What is a Ruined Orgasm? A BDSM Friendly Guide

The BDSM-Friendly Guide to A Ruined Orgasm

There’s few things that can put a damper on a hot and steamy sex session quite like a ruined orgasm. Or so you may think.

But not so fast!

At first glance this one sounds kind of bad. After all, why would anyone want to intentionally ‘ruin’ an orgasm?

The answer may surprise you.

So walk with us as we lead you down the path of the intentionally ruined orgasm and show you how to practice edging and ruined orgasms to spice up your sex life!

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

A ruined orgasm is a practice that involves bringing your partner to the point of orgasm and then just leaving them hanging. They can’t back out but they also can’t reach the mind-bending climax they crave. This results in a low key orgasm for the man which is uncontrollable but ranks super low on the satisfaction scale.

It’s often used in femdom and BDSM communities as part of a tease-and-denial practice. It can result in humiliation and frustration for the male sub who has lost all control and is forced to cum anyway (albeit with minimum satisfaction).

If you’re still wondering how any of this can be pleasurable for the man, it can help to see it as a type of masochistic fetish. Where the emotional cause is greater than the physical pleasure. It can also be used to flip the script in a way. Creating a particular tension and uncertainty, that’s the opposite of what’s normally expected.

Another application would be in BDSM role-play situations. Where the man would ultimately be allowed to achieve a stellar orgasm. As a reward for good behavior. Variations include the ruined handjob or ruined blowjob, which are used in a female dominant or femdom settings.

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Edging and Ruined Orgasms

Edging is the practice of taking yourself to the point of orgasm but instead of choosing to cum, you hold back and let things cool off for a bit. It’s mostly used by men to intensify orgasms or to stay in a state of heightened arousal.

While edging and ruined orgasm can be mistaken as the same thing, they’re actually quite different practices. With edging, you can ease-off and stay in control. With the ruined orgasm, you’re plain out of luck!

You’ve already been led to the point of no return. The lack of additional stimulation will leave your member twitching and jerking around. As you moan and spurt cum, which only adds to the humiliation.

Pro Tip: One thing you definitely don’t want to do is to go for the edge, miss it, and end up at the ruined orgasm. That would be bad. But practice makes perfect and you can always try again later on.

How to Practice a Ruined Orgasm

First, if you’d like to try it for yourself, it pays to lay down a few ground rules. This is to make sure everyone who’s involved is comfortable with it and stays safe.

This is a good habit to get into, especially when you’re working with anything BDSM related and helps to set a good foundation if you decide to go deeper.

  • Make sure you get everyone’s consent. It’s probably not a good idea to spring this one on your partner without them knowing what you’re up to.

  • Next choose a safe word. Things happen and you’ll want to be able to stop the action if things go sour. This also creates an atmosphere of mutual respect which helps everyone to relax and have fun.

  • Get in the mood. With this kind of practice the role you play is just as important as the act itself. Throw in some gentle teasing, explore your inner sub/dom and don't be afraid to explore a different side of your personality.

  • Take your time. It’s not a race to the finish, and knowing where and when you reach the point of orgasm is all part of the fun. Think of it as a learning experience where trial and error is part of the process.

  • BDSM aftercare. Aftercare helps both parties feel pampered or nurtured after a session. BDSM practice affects the mental and emotional states of individuals. It is best to always check on each other and practice certain forms of aftercare.

You can even devise your own steps to mix things up a bit or even adopt a zero script practice. Where you simply go along with how you feel in the moment. And, if you find you want to explore the ruined orgasm deeper, you can even get others involved in a group BDSM session.

Variety is the spice of life, after all!

Wrapping up

Practicing the ruined orgasm either with your partner or in a BDSM community can be a fun way to learn about your own body. As well as explore your sexual fantasies. You’ll learn things about yourself and your body you didn’t know before and can apply these in future sexual encounters.

You may also be surprised to discover how something that limits the sensation of pleasure can itself be pleasurable. This paradox of the ruined orgasm is part of what makes it so much fun. It also unlocks the world of sexual role-play where both parties can get enjoyment from the experience.

One things for sure - each new practice you learn and discover will only enhance your sex life.

Written by

James Howard

James Howard is a freelance copywriter and content marketer who specializes in creating personalized content experiences for niche audiences. He has years of experience working in the performance marketing industry, and has strong ties to the affiliate world. James currently lives on a 27' sailboat in the Solent on a budget, works from his laptop, and trains calisthenics on the beach.