Tell me if this sounds familiar.

You’ve decided that, against all odds, you and your significant other are going to make it work, even though you’re now in a long distance relationship. Your many friends, colleagues, and casual enemies told you it’s a terrible idea when it all began, but you and your love interest declared, “not a chance, we’re different and also special!”Absolutely nothing, not even being worlds away, can tear you apart.

A few months pass and you remain defiant. You’re able to visit one another occasionally, but every time it feels more rushed, a rift growing between the two of you.After a while, you run out of things to talk about on all of the social media platforms you’ve signed up for and gaze listlessly at one another’s virtual faces in awkward silence. Your emotional attachment to Skype is getting weird.

You’re both still madly in love and stuff, but expressing it is getting more and more difficult. Neither of you wants to address the repressed elephant in the virtual room, because that might mean opening up the relationship to random folks or, however, dreaded this fate may be, breaking up. You’re not so keen on open relationships, it’s just not your thing, and you really want to keep the relationship alive.

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However, it’s time to face facts. Physical intimacy is really, really important, and the long distance is not making it even remotely possible. If this is you, don’t worry, the story gets better!

One day, you happen upon teledildonics.

“What is this sexual wizardry?” you think, dumbfounded and staring at a screen full of delightful technology that can transfer touch from one sex toy to another, using the infinite magic of the internet. “The fates have smiled down upon me!” you state to yourself, “I’ve found a solution!”

And how right you are!

In a short while, your teledildonic devices arrive via mailman or package drone, so very pristine and ready for erotic play. You excitedly hop on the dedicated platform for private video chatting provided by the company and sync up your swanky new toys. You and your partner giggle bashfully about the adventure you’re about to embark upon. Already, by saying, “we totally need to get all sexy in each other’s business,” and discovering the necessary technology, you’re already on your merry way to becoming closer as a couple.

Then, you get over the lingering embarrassment of marrying space age looking gizmos with your nether regions and get to the virtually realized, strangely realistic erotic play.

Written by:  Isaac Simon

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