The Art of Fingering
When it comes to sex, every aspect is important. However, there are a couple of things that seem to get ignored time and time again. Fingering is one of them. This isn’t to say that many people are avoiding the act, but many of them aren’t hitting the nail on the head.
The right pair of hands can make for mind-blowing orgasms; all you need to know is how to create them. It’s not as hard as it sounds. In this guide, you’re going to learn everything you need to know about how to finger. More importantly, you’ll learn how to make her come back for more.
- The Truth about Fingering
- Fingering 101: 16 Steps to Finger
- The 6 Common Fingering Mistakes You Need to Avoid
The Truth about Fingering
Before we get to how to finger, you need to understand why fingering is essential in sex. Most people want their partners to achieve an orgasm. Actually, all people want their partner to reach orgasm.
But, the truth is, many women struggle with orgasming. This isn’t due to a lack of trying; however, most women do not orgasm from vaginal stimulation. In other words, they need to use a different method to reach orgasm.
This is where fingering plays a crucial role. Because most women do not orgasm through vaginal stimulation, fingering provides the clitoral stimulation women need. With fingering, the odds your partner will reach a climax are higher.
Fingering gives intense and focused stimulation that other sex acts lack. So the truth about fingering is very simple: it hits the spot.
Fingering 101: 16 Steps to Finger
You know why fingering is important, but now the question is: do you know how to finger? Well, don’t worry, you’ve come to the right place. We’re going to teach you everything to need to know about fingering the right way.
1. Know the female anatomy
You don’t need to be a gynecologist, but you should be familiar with the female anatomy. This is truly the first and most crucial step you need to take before going near a vagina. How can you know what to do if you don’t know where everything is? There are four areas you’ll want to learn and pay close attention to:
- Outer Labia: If you know about pubic hair, then you know about the outer labia. The two lips that are cover the vulva are the outer labia. There aren’t many nerve endings located in the outer labia; however, rubbing them with your hands and fingers can feel arousing.
- Inner Labia: So, you have the outer labia where the lips have pubic hair, but there’s also the inner labia. These sets of lips do not have pubic hair on them. The inner labia are made of susceptible and thin skin and can be stimulated by gently stroking them.
Vaginal Opening: If you’ve had sex before, the vaginal opening is where the penis is inserted. It’s located further back, closer to the anus.
The vaginal opening is also where lubrication takes place. When a woman is aroused, she produces a natural lubricant that secrets from the vaginal opening.
This area is where you’ll insert your fingers when fingering your partner.
- Clitoris: This is one of the most sensitive parts of the female body and is designed only for pleasure. The clitoris is button-like and rests under the clitoral hood. The clitoral hood is formed by the two sides of the inner labia connecting. Now, if you’re not sure where that is, it’s best to look at a diagram or ask your partner.
2. Every woman is different
Before we start talking about how to finger, it’s important to understand that every woman is different. Each vagina has its own space, size, and smell. No two vaginas are the same. When it comes to fingering, you’ll need to adjust your techniques, speed, and pressure.
It’s crucial to pay attention to your partner because everyone has their sexual preferences. So, if you have a technique that works on other women, don’t assume it’ll work on your partner. You’ll probably need to make adjustments.
3. Prepare ahead of time
Before fingering your partner, it’s vital to have clean, and well-manicured hands. Genitals are an extremely sensitive and delicate area. Your hands touch thousands of different things and are exposed to countless types of bacteria that could harm the vagina.
To avoid any injury or infection, make sure you trim your fingernails, and your hands are clean. Long fingernails can cut and scratch the vulva and that’s a painful experience.
If you’re a Spanish guitar player, you’re going to have a hard time fingering a woman.
4. Tease her
You can’t just go right into fingering your partner. If there’s one piece of advice to remember, it’s to start slowly. There’s no need to rush; you’ll get there eventually. To start, spend time in foreplay; making out, touching, caressing.
And then slowly, work your way down to her legs. As you move down her body, rub against her crotch with either your thigh, pelvis, or hand.
Don’t rush through this as foreplay is what warms up the body. It’ll take between fifteen to twenty minutes for her to become aroused, and during that time you should tease her. That’s the best part of foreplay, not getting what you want right away. You’ll feel the intensity gradually increase.
5. Use lubricant
If you spend enough time on foreplay and focus on pleasing arousing your partner, you probably won’t need lube to get started. The vagina will be lubricated enough. However, after some time, the vagina will dry out, and you’ll need to use artificial lube.
In general, you should always have lube in your nightstand; you never know when you’ll need it. Using lube will increase sensitivity and reduce discomfort. Silicone lubricant lasts long and feels smooth against the skin.
6. There’s a beginning, middle, and end
Think of fingering like reading a storybook. There’s a beginning, a middle, and an end. Fingering is not something that starts off as a bam! You need to start slowly and sensually.
The average woman needs 15-20 minutes to become aroused, and intense fingering action right in the beginning isn’t going to do the trick. Start slowly, and focus on foreplay.
After some time, you can work your way down to the vagina, slowly rubbing and grinding against it. When you feel there’s enough sexual tension, then you can slip a finger underneath her underwear. From there, you can gradually increase your finger technique by sliding your fingers up and down, and in and out of the vulva, hitting the G-spot, and then going for the bullseye which is the clitoris.
7. Use your fingers
Well, what would fingering be without your fingers? Those little guys are the ones who make the magic happen. Fingering a vagina is exactly what it sounds like. After you slip a finger inside, you’ll need to move your finger in and out.
Start with your index finger, and then slip your middle finger in. Feel if it’s wet enough. If it feels a little dry, add lube.
Play around with different speeds and rhythms until you find one which suits her. Start slowly and gradually increase speed.
8. Experiment with touch
When it comes to fingering the vagina, you’ll need to experiment with touch. Every woman is different, and touch is the best way to figure out which fingering action she likes. Women typically enjoy clitoral stimulation, penetration with your fingers, or doing both at the same time.
You can circle, stroke, or rub different parts of the vagina, including the inner/outer labia, and clitoris. Go up and down, side to side, use one or a couple of fingers. While experimenting ask her, “do you like it better when I do this?”
9. Find the G-spot
Once you start fingering her vagina, it’s time to find her G-spot. With your index and middle finger, make a “come here” motion. The G-spot is 2-3 deep and upwards. You’ll feel a rough patch of skin inside the vagina - that’s it.
Once you feel it, start slowly and build the thrusting up. After thrusting for a while, you can mix up your fingering technique and work your way up to the clitoris.
10. Hit the bullseye: The clitoris
If you want to blow her mind, then you need to focus on clitoral stimulation. When it comes to sex, the clitoris is your golden egg; it’s the answer to orgasms. Once you have her going, and you can see she’s highly aroused, then it’s time you have her clit some much-needed attention.
Most women need repetitive clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm; spot stimulation is key. So, find a rhythm that she enjoys and don’t change it when you see her starting to reach orgasm.
11. Find the rhythm
You can slip a finger or two inside of her and move it in and out, but if you don’t find the right rhythm, nothing is going to happen. Focus on finding a rhythm that gets them excited. If your partner is enjoying what you’re doing, don’t switch it up. Rhythmic stimulation is the key to reach orgasm.
If you find the right speed and pressure for your partner, keep it going. The fingering technique could be two fingers, four fingers - it doesn’t matter. What matters is that whatever you’re doing is working.
12. Don’t be shy to let her show you
There may be a moment where she stops you and touches herself in front of you. This is a great opportunity for you to pay attention and see what she’s doing. She’s showing you what she likes and how she likes it.
Watch the movements she’s making and mimic them; her body language will guide you. She knows her vagina better than anyone else.
13. Let her tell you when to stop
This is a common issue when it comes to fingering. Men tend to stop when they feel it’s enough, but, in reality, it takes around 20 minutes for a woman to reach orgasm. Rather than stopping when you feel it’s over, wait for her to tell you when she’s done.
Focus on her body language; she’ll let you know she’s had enough. If your hand is getting sore, trying switching hands or performing oral sex. If you want her to orgasm, don't pressure her. Let her orgasm when she’s ready.
14. Pay attention to her reaction
As you’re fingering your partner, you’ll notice her behavior change. As she becomes aroused, it’s crucial you pay attention to the sounds and directions they make. If you change the technique and notice her getting quiet, then stop and try something else.
If she’s moaning, shaking, and breathing deeply, you’re on the right track. You need to listen to your partner and learn their body language; once you crack this, the world is your oyster.
15. Keep communication open
Please remember this sex tip: without communication, you won’t have good sex. It’s just that simple. Communication is everything when it comes to sex. You’re not having sex with yourself.
This is with someone with entirely different emotions, preferences, and feelings. Ask your partner what they liked, and what they didn’t like. Don’t take it personally; this is your opportunity to improve.
16. Enjoy the experience
This is an important sex tip. If you want your partner to have fun when you’re fingering her, you’re going to need to relax. There’s nothing worse than watching your partner stress out during intimacy.
If you’re not experienced with fingering, don’t worry. It takes time and practice until you have a pace and technique that suits you and your partner.
Now you know what to do, but it’s also good to know what you need to avoid. Here are six common fingering mistakes you should avoid making.
The 6 Common Fingering Mistakes You Need to Avoid
You now know how to finger, but that’s only half of what you need to know. Just because you have your fingers in the right spot doesn't mean it’s going to work. Here are six common mistakes people make when fingering. Avoid these mistakes, and you’ll be well on your way to making her reach orgasm.
Cut your fingernails
If you’re a Spanish guitar player, you’ll need to take one for the team and cut your fingernails. You cannot have long nails when fingering.
The vagina is an extremely sensitive area, and long fingernails are a disaster. No one wants to have cuts and scratches on the front wall of the vagina. So, cut your nails.
Don’t ignore the clitoris
If you want to make your partner orgasm, then you need to focus on clitoral stimulation. Fingering her vagina is great, but if you completely ignore the clit, she’s not going to have an orgasm. The clitoris is a very specific and important part of the female body.
It’s the only part of the body designed for pleasure. Even though we spoke about the clitoris above, it's crucial you understand the importance of it when it comes to achieving orgasms.
Listen to what she wants
If you’ve seen your partner masturbate, then you should probably have taken notes. Women do show their partners what they like, but it’s your job to pay attention to her. If your partner stops you and starts to masturbate in front of you, she’s showing you what to do. Avoid going back to how you were fingering her before; rather, pay attention, and use her method instead.
Ask before anal fingering
If you’re interested in taking it a step further, you need to ask for permission. Many people assume that since they received consent to finger a vagina, they’re also able to perform other sex acts. But it doesn’t work like that.
The anus is a sensitive area, and not everyone wants a finger in there. If you want to put a finger in her anus while fingering her, make sure she consents to it.
Don’t slap the vagina
Though you think slapping the vagina is sexy, unless she asks you to do it, don’t do it. Many men believe, due to porn, that slapping the vagina feels good and is sexually arousing, but in most cases, it’s not. Every woman is different, and slapping the vagina can be a painful and unpleasant experience.
Avoid mimicking porn actions
You may have seen one porn clip where the guy was aggressively fingering the girl, but that isn’t real life. Unless she specifically asks you to be rough, avoid doing it. Most women don’t enjoy that, and if you’re too fast and rough, it’ll dry out and be more painful than anything. When it comes to using porn as an educational tool, be careful.
You don’t need to try to impress her
Naturally, you want the person you’re fingering to be impressed with your skills, but if you try too hard, the opposite will happen. You don’t need to act like a macho man for her to have her mind blown. Instead, if you follow the tips above and be patient, you’ll improve your skills which will speak for themselves. There’s no need to try too hard, relax.
If you know what to do and you do it right, fingering can be very arousing and enjoyable. Remember, practice makes perfect, so spend some time with your partner learning how to do it. Always make sure you communicate and see what’s working for her and what’s not. Once you get the hang of it, she’ll be coming back for more.
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.