Oral Sex For Women
When it comes to receiving oral sex, it should be a part of your sex life. Well, at least that’s what we’re told. “Just sit back and relax.” Though that sounds blissful, many women struggle with enjoying being on the receiving end of oral sex.
This isn’t because they’re old fashioned; for many, it’s new territory. And when experiencing new things, they often come with their own set of fears and thoughts. Even though, when done right, including oral sex, is mindblowing, some women are too busy or self-conscious to really let go and enjoy the experience.
During oral sex, if your mind isn't relaxed, it can dampen the entire experience for you and your partner. It’s time to change that. Here are eight ways to help you feel more relaxed when your partner is down south.
1. Ask yourself why
Before anything, you need to reflect and think about why you’re feeling anxious when your sex partner is performing oral sex. Why are you uncomfortable? And there is no wrong answer. Some women feel uncomfortable if they’re not feeling pleasure from oral sex.
Other women are nervous about what their partner thinks about the taste or smell of their vulva. There are many reasons why you could be feeling anxious. By narrowing it down, and finding the root problem, you’ll be one step closer to overcoming it.
2. Understand why your partner pleasures you
It’s because they want to! Listen, your partner is choosing to go down on you, which means they’re receiving pleasure from the experience as well. If you’re worried about receiving oral, for example, you can clean your vulva beforehand.
However, many women do not do that simply because they know their partner likes to perform oral sex. You need to understand that your partner isn’t doing this just to please you; they’re also finding the experience arousing as well.
3. Communicate your needs
Good sex is largely based on communication. Your partner can’t read your mind; they’re just going off of your sounds and body language. If you’re tense because you’re not feeling pleasure, this is when communication plays an important role.
During oral sex, don’t be afraid to gently tell your partner what feels good. They want to know what you enjoy. No one wants to perform oral sex to torture their partner. By saying, “I love when you suck my clit” or “move your fingers a little faster,” these cues can change your entire experience.
4. Connect during oral sex
Many women feel lonely during oral sex. Their partner is down south, and they’re just staring at the ceiling by themselves, and this is when the mind starts to wander into thoughts that aren’t allowing you to be in the moment. You can engage with your partner while they’re pleasuring you. Hold their hand, make eye contact, have them rub your breasts; these actions can help increase the connection between you two.
5. Focus on the sensations
It’s not often where we get to lay back and receive pleasure, but this is what oral sex is about. You don’t have to do anything; sit back and relax. If your mind is wandering, try to refocus your attention back to the present.
To do that, focus on the sensations you’re feeling. Visualize what your partner is doing to you, how it looks. Not only will you be focused on the present, but you can also even become more aroused.
6. Learn to love your body
Many women are insecure about their vulvas or think their vulvas aren’t attractive. But the beauty of vulvas is that they’re all different. No two vulvas are the same, so this beauty standard you place on yourself is pointless.
What’s important is to focus on respecting and loving the vulva you have. By doing so, you will naturally relax and get more comfortable during oral sex. In turn, your partner will also find oral sex more enjoyable.
7. Give feedback
After the sex is over and you two are cuddling in bed together, you should talk about the experience. There were probably some moments that you loved and other moments that weren’t your favorite. If you didn’t get the chance to communicate during oral, well, you still have another opportunity to talk about it.
This doesn’t need to be a conversation where you roll out the list of likes and dislikes. It can be a very sweet and loving conversation. By saying, “I really loved how you licked my clit. Maybe next time, try fingering me with two fingers, I think it’ll be even better.”
It’s positive and constructive feedback. You don’t want to discourage your partner from oral sex; you want to direct them.
8. Talk to a sex therapist
If you’re still struggling to relax during oral sex, you need to talk to your partner first. They need to know how you’re feeling, and by discussing it, you’ll avoid future conflict. Plus, you may find a way to improve having oral sex as well. Besides, two heads are better than one.
However, even after talking to your partner, you could still be feeling general anxiety, and this is when you need to speak with a sex therapist. A sex therapist will be able to sit next to you and work through your anxiety, giving you the right tools to process your feelings. It’s never a bad idea to seek help from a professional. And if seeking help means learning how to overcome sexual anxiety and enjoy oral sex, then it’s something to consider strongly.
When it comes to oral sex, feeling uncomfortable and anxious is common. But these feelings shouldn’t prevent you from enjoying it. By using these tips, you’ll be able to work on your sexual anxiety and become more relaxed during oral sex.
But if you’ve tried everything, and still aren’t enjoying oral sex, that’s okay. There are some women who just don’t like oral. But what’s essential is that you figure out whether your feelings are based on anxiety or not.
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.