BDSM in a Long Distance Relationship

August 29, 2014

With the advent of 50 Shades of Grey and its upcoming film, BDSM has become more visible than ever before. There are some things you need to know before you try incorporating it into your relationship.

BDSM: What’s it mean?

First of all, BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism, but your relationship doesn’t need to have all of those components if you don’t want it to. Practicing BDSM and kink is frequently referred to as “play”, so I’ll be using that word throughout this article.

There are many different ways to approach a BDSM arrangement. What all BDSM arrangements should have in common, though, is trust, understanding, knowledge, and caring. BDSM can be a very sensual experience. You’re trusting your partner completely, and your partner is responsible for making sure that you’re comfortable with the experience.

Safety in BDSM

One thing that unfortunately isn’t stressed in 50 Shades is how important safety is. Before you try anything new with implements like rope, crops, or paddles, be sure to read up. Improperly knotted rope can injure a sub, and a poorly applied crop or paddle can actually cause kidney failure. I recommend picking up a copy of Tristan Taormino’s 50 Shades of Kink.

This is also why safewords are so important. Pick a word (something other than “no” or “stop” – a common choice is “red”) and if you need the play to stop immediately, say it. If your partner says their safeword, stop immediately and ask them what they need. It is a Dom(me)’s job to take care of their sub.

Long Distance BDSM

In a long distance relationship, it’s still possible to BDSM play. In fact, some people who have D/s relationships conduct their entire relationship under those terms. But if you just want to play sometimes, that’s a-okay too. Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Guided masturbation: Take a tip from phone sex Dommes and try guiding your partner through masturbation. You can even do a tease and deny session, where you bring them right to the edge, then make them stop. This works particularly well if you’re using your KIIROO couples toys together. It’s pretty tantalizing!
2. Roleplaying: While not exclusively BDSM, roleplaying can be a great tool to spice up your relationship. If you don’t know that you have a Dom(me) in you, roleplaying can make it easier by allowing you to pretend to be someone else. You can adopt a character, and use that character to carry out BDSM fantasies.
3. Sexual Service: Dom(me)s demand a lot from their subs, and one particularly popular demand is sexual service. Now, of course, this has to be something that both parties agree to. But if you’re interested in making your Dom(me)’s pleasure the main course, this can be fun for everyone.

Be smart, safe, sane, and consensual, and BDSM can be an awesome addition to your relationship. Have you ever explored the world of BDSM?

Sarah Nitchkey

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