Anal sex 101
When it comes to anal sex, everyone is a little nervous when doing it for the first time. And it’s not without reason. The myths and rumors that have been floating around about anal play and sex will deter even the most curious people.
Most of the stories we hear about anal are hilariously traumatic, and that’s the problem. In reality, many people have a great experience; you’re just not hearing about it. If you’re curious about adding anal sex into your sex life, that’s great. But, before you dive right into it, you need to prepare yourself.
Maybe you’ve done it before, but it wasn’t a good experience. Or perhaps you’re entirely new to it. Regardless of your experience, knowing the basics will help you have a pleasurable experience with your partner. Therefore, in this guide, you’re going to learn everything you need to know about it.
What is Anal Sex?
Anal sex is penis-in-anus intercourse. It is when the penis is inserted into the anus and is continued with thrusting for sexual pleasure. Whether the penis is real or artificial, for example, a strap-on dildo, it’s considered anal sex.
And that’s really what it is in a nutshell. It may sound a little daunting, but it is very straightforward and easy to get the hang of.
8 Things You’ve Always Wanted to Know About Anal Sex
Before we dive into how to have anal sex, there are probably some unanswered questions you have floating around in your head. Well, it’s time to answer them and clear up any misconceptions you may have. Here some of the most common questions people have about anal sex.
Who can have anal sex?
There’s this idea that it only happens between two men or a man and a woman. Because of this, many people see anal sex as a sexual activity only men can engage in. But that’s not true. The beauty of anal sex is that anyone can have it. Your sexual orientation doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual activities.
Straight men and women, lesbians, transgenders, and gay men all enjoy having anal sex. If a straight woman wants to penetrate her male partner, she can use a strap-on dildo. If a lesbian couple wants to have anal sex, they’ll use a sex toy as well. As you can see, anyone can have anal sex - it doesn’t define your sexual preferences.
What does anal sex feel like?
This is one of the most popular questions people ask about anal sex, and receiving partners usually ask it. Why? Because they’re terrified of anal sex being painful. After all the myths of anal sex floating around, it’s hard not to believe them.
We’re not going to lie to you, if you don’t properly prepare yourself, it can be painful. But if done properly, it’ll feel amazing. However, the sensations are different depending on whether you have a prostate or not.
Anal sex when you have a prostate
If you have a prostate and are on the receiving end of anal sex, you’re going to have a great time. Why? Because you have a prostate. The prostate is a gland that is responsible for producing a component that makes semen.
But when it comes to anal sex, its location is everything. The prostate gland is located in front of the rectum and can be stimulated either through anal play or sex. Not to mention, a prostate orgasm is an amazing experience. Before heading straight to the prostate, you should try anal play.
Anal play for beginners is a warm-up, allowing you to adjust to new sensations.
Anal sex when you don’t have a prostate
The vagina isn’t the only place where you can receive pleasure. If you have a vagina, you’re in luck. Anal stimulation can feel amazing as the anus contains sensitive nerve-endings. An anal sex orgasm stems from the clitoris, which is the epi-center for female pleasure.
Anal sex can also help women who struggle with achieving orgasm. Since the anus doesn’t stretch like the vagina, the first entry will feel tight; however, the feeling can be reduced through anal play and lubricant.
What will first-time anal sex be like?
The key is preparation. For the first couple of times, it’s going to feel like you need to poop - but you won’t. It doesn’t sound that alluring right now, we know. But, once you get past that sensation, it will feel very pleasurable.
An anal sex orgasm is unlike any other; it’s intense.
First-time anal sex isn’t going to be mindblowing; it will take a couple of attempts before you start to feel genuine pleasure. However, easing into it is essential, which is why you should start with anal play. If you’re wondering what anal play is, don’t worry, we’ll get to it in a little bit.
Is it safe?
If you decide to try anal sex one day without preparing yourself, well, you will run the risk of pain, possible injury or something that will affect your sexual health. However, if you research and prepare yourself and your partner beforehand, anal sex is safe.
Yes, you can contract an STI through anal sex, as you can through any other sexual act, which is why safe sex is essential. Is anal sex safe? If you do it right, yes it is.
If you’re going to have anal sex, you need to prepare for the chance that you may run into some fecal matter. Most people will make sure they’re clean before having anal sex, but it’s the bum - that’s where poop comes from. So, yes, you may see a few poop particles, but you won’t see someone completely poop themselves.
Will there be gas?
You may fart. You’re only human. The best thing to do is just laugh it off. When something is being inserted into your anus, the air gets trapped, and then you fart.
You may fart, you may not fart - no one knows. But if you feel gassy, let it out.
Can you use toys during anal sex?
Yes! Naturally, it depends on the type of sex toy you want to use during anal sex. If you’re going to use anal sex toys, make sure the base has a flared bottom. The last thing you want is to have a sex toy stuck inside.
Focus on sex toys which are specifically designed for anal sex. Anal toys can be great to use as a warm-up during anal play.
Does too much anal sex cause incontinence?
This is a great question. Many people worry that too much anal sex will loosen their anus, causing them to lose control of their bowel movements. There has been little scientific evidence of this happening to anyone who’s had anal sex.
You won’t lose your ability to control your bowels, nor will you be farting all day long. But to be on the safe side, practice kegel exercises - that’ll keep everything nice and tight.
Is there a difference between anal sex and anal play?
Yes! There is a significant difference. Anal sex is a term used to describe penis-in-anus intercourse. Anal play is any sex play that focuses around the anus, rectum or bum. Anal play includes rimming or massaging the anus with one’s fingers, or using a sex toy. First-time anal play is basically an introduction to anal sex.
In other words, if you prepare yourself, anal sex will be a great experience for you. First-time anal play may feel uncomfortable, but after a couple of times, the body will relax and enjoy the sensation. If all your questions are answered, it’s time to learn how to prepare for anal sex.
How to Prepare for Anal Sex
It looks like you’re curious about anal sex - that’s great! The preparation isn’t going to take you months to do - it isn’t a Rocky movie. But if you want to have a good experience, you’ll need to take some time to make sure you have everything in order.
Learn about the anus
Before you even try it out, you need to educate yourself. The anus isn’t so cut and dry. You may think anal sex is all about penetration, but there’s a little more to it than that. The opening of the anus comprises of sensitive nerve-endings for both men and women.
The only difference is that for men it will stimulate the prostate gland and for women, stimulation occurs through clitoral stimulation.
Experiment with anal play
Before diving into anal sex, it’s a smart idea to experiment with anal play. It’s always a good idea to acquaint yourself with the anus and familiarize yourself with the sensations. First-time anal play will feel completely new to you and your partner, but it’ll give you a better idea of what to expect during sex.
You may be wondering how to anal play. Anal play for women and men can be done during masturbation or mutual masturbation, with either your fingers, anal sex toys, or your partner’s tongue (rimming).
Once you feel more comfortable with anal play, whether you’re a receiver or an insertive partner, you’ll be able to move onto anal sex. Remember, anal play isn’t based on your sexual orientation. Anal play is a crucial step before anal sex.
What you eat matters
If you think that eating a spicy burrito is going to turn your partner on before anal sex, think again. When it comes to anal sex, what you eat matters. If you’re receiving, avoid spicy foods and heavy meals before sex. You don’t want to eat a meal that makes your stomach squirm before it - that isn’t going to make for a happy ending.
Clean yourself up
You don’t need to take a bunch of laxatives beforehand; this isn’t the preparation we’re talking about. But you do need to make sure you’ve cleaned up.
If you feel like you need to poop before having anal sex, do it. Take a shower and make sure your anus is soaped up and cleaned. You do not need to douche your anus.
Make sure you have condoms
All forms of sexual acts can be unsafe if you’re not using protection. Whether you’re having casual sex or are in a long-term relationship, use a condom during anal sex. The anus contains bacteria, and by wearing a condom, you’re preventing the spread of infection. When wearing a condom, make sure you lather enough lube on, and you’ll be ready for action.
Use the right lube
When it comes to anal sex, lubrication is everything. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina. This means, if you don’t use lube, it’s going to be extremely painful. So, using a lot of lube is a must. But which lube do you use? Good question.
For anal sex, silicone lubricants is your best option. They work very well with condoms and provide a smooth sensation. Plus, silicone lubricant is thicker and will last longer.
Avoid oil-based lubricants as they tend to tear condoms. When it comes to how much lubricant you should use, well, there’s no such thing as too much lube. The more, the merrier!
Do you want to use a sex toy?
If you’re engaging in it for the first time, you may want to use a sex toy to help you warm-up and prepare for anal sex. But, it’s not something that you need to do. You can warm-up perfectly fine by rimming and using fingers to massage the anus. At the end of the day, you decide what’s best for you.
You now know how to prepare yourself for anal sex, what it is which and how it will feel like. Remember these important tips before diving in and you will find yourself experiencing something pleasurable in your sex life.
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.
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