Embrace Your Intimacy Complexity

January 24, 2019

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I have long ago admitted to my being a predominately gay bisexual. A definition is complex to many. Well, it has recently come to my attention via an article on Medium. That the complexity that makes me define as such, may not make me have a different name, but an additional name to identify myself.


For I have always defined as a predominately gay bisexual because in my sexual attraction. I find myself a lot more sexually attracted to males, than I am to females, with being attracted to both making me bisexual. However, in addition to my being mostly attracted to males being why I define that bisexuality as predominantly gay, I was also including in that predominance my romantic attraction, which is solely to males. A romantic attraction that the Medium article has made me realized is defined as homoromantic.


So I’m a homoromantic bisexual, or bisexual homoromantic. Whichever sequence works for you if you ever want to tell someone your sexual and romantic attraction at the same time.

The sexual part of my intimacy complexity does not stop there. It is also in my porn viewing and sexual fantasies.


For in my porn viewing, even though I am a lot more gay than straight, I actually watch a lot more straight porn than gay porn. And in my sexual fantasies, even though I am versatile in real life, more than 90% of my sexual fantasies have me as a bottom. And this is despite my being a self-proclaimed ass-man. So one would think that I would be more inclined to fantasize about being the penetrator and not the penetrated.

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These complexities are also prevalent in the porn industry with the terms “gay-for-pay" and occasionally “straight-for-pay". Terminologies that I have vehemently fought against as making marketing tools of. For making it seem that money is the sole motivator to express a sexual attraction to one’s gender lessens the beauty of the sex.


The reason these genres exist is because when it comes to sex, and our individual sexuality, regardless of our color or ethnic background. Many of us across the globe are not taught to use our words to express our sexual or romantic selves. Even I had to confess to that of myself at the beginning of this article. And that lack of wording has led to the controversies others and myself have been involved in because of use of terms like “gay-for-pay" and “straight-for-pay".


With that said, due to the aforementioned revelations, someone defining as “gay-for-pay" should more so define as a bisexual heteroromantic, and a “straight-for-pay" performer should define themselves as a bisexual homoromantic, like myself. Perhaps porn studios can start using these terminologies to lessen the controversy, as well as open the minds of their viewers while entertaining and stimulating them.


The point of my revealing all that I have about my intimacy complexity is that I am unapologetic about it. With every article, talk, interview, and social media post thus far and beyond, I hope to inspire you to do the same. As I strive to be honest about that complexity, to myself, and to anyone I get involved with. For our sexual and romantic complexities are a 2-way street of communication.


We must often use our words in great detail to explain them. Staying clear of the abbreviating of terms that has become the language of today that causes many misunderstandings. In return, our partner(s) must be willing to actually listen and take in every last bit those details. From the words we say on the surface, as well as those underlying the words on the surface.


As long as that complexity does no physical, mental, or emotional harm to myself, my sex partners, or voyeurs (if I’m an exhibitionist about it), then I have nothing to be ashamed of. Therefore, nothing to apologize for. And as long as you practice that same honesty, neither should you.

Written by

LeNair Xavier

More from LeNair Xavier:

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