Pump Up Your Sex Drive
BAD HABITS THAT CAN KILL YOUR SEX DRIVE
Worried your lifestyle could destroy your sex life? I’m not going to be a harbinger of doom and tell you that you need to shape up or give up. Nor am I one of those ‘sexperts’ who’ll give you ‘one weird trick’ to spice up your sex life. What I can do though, is tell you as honestly as I can that all of us go through ups and downs when it comes to our sexual desire.
As someone who has made enough sexual mistakes for ten lifetimes, consider me more like a cautionary tale. I have a high sex drive, but I also have some pretty bad habits that have a tendency to kill my sex drive if not kept in check. Hopefully, my own mistakes can give you some food for thought, and help you work out whether there are bad habits of your own that are making your life tricky.
WHAT ARE THINGS LIKELY TO KILL YOUR SEX DRIVE?
Ever since I started masturbating I’ve had a high sex drive – probably long before that, to tell the truth, I just didn’t have the right words to express or understand it. So when I hear about things that are likely to kill sex drive, my first reaction is ‘pah! This kryptonite won’t work on me!’
But according to experts, there are plenty of bad habits I have which may mean my libido – high as it is – is lower than it could be if I knocked them on the head.
Lack of sleep can destroy sex drive
You’d think staying up late would mean more time to get it on, but in fact, research has shown that low libido often correlates with a lack of decent sleep. I’ve always been partial to an early night, whether it’s for kinky games after lights-out or just to make sure I don’t look like a dog that’s been run over in the morning. But the problem is that these days there’s just so much to do.
So much work, socializing, not to mention the million and one box sets that I ‘absolutely must watch.’ As a result, I’m rarely in bed before one in the morning, and I’m up at 7 am. Bleary-eyed and weary, and apparently less interested in sex than I could be.
POOR DIET AND LACK OF EXERCISE
This is the generic ‘silver bullet’ recommended by any armchair internet doctor who wants to give people unsolicited health advice. Google any problem, from ‘sex drive’ to ‘erectile dysfunction’ and you’ll find someone sipping a kale smoothie and telling you it’s because you eat badly.
It’s hard advice to take, but in my case it’s true. Chalk it up to the work and the stress, but I’m far more likely to end the evening with a ready meal or a takeaway than a freshly-caught salmon. And apparently, my penchant for cheesy chips over salad is having a negative effect on my sex drive.
DESTROY SEX DRIVE BY OVERTHINKING SEX
Hands up, this is my worst habit. As a sex blogger, it’s my job to think about sex pretty much constantly. That’s why I picked it as my job, after all: I figured if I was doing it any way I may as well get paid. But great sex is a bit like a really funny joke – sometimes overanalyzing it kills what made it good in the first place.
If you’re putting too much pressure on yourself in the bedroom, or you’re worried that you’re not living up to the sexual rockstar status you’d really like to have, then stressing out can only make things worse. Which brings me on to the final – and most important – the thing that can kill sex drive: mental health.
ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND SEX DRIVE
Full disclosure: I have anxiety. Not ‘get slightly stressed about things’ anxiety, but full-on ‘doctor told me I was messed up’ anxiety. I have regular panic attacks, and I struggle sometimes with the easiest tasks because my brain runs through all the possible ways in which a simple activity such as making coffee for a friend could turn out to be calamitous.
Anxiety can sometimes kill sex drive stone dead. It is, after all, difficult to get really into a hot sex session if your brain is working overtime to run through all the things you haven’t done yet which are vital to your life. It’s also tricky to get spanked when you’re hyperventilating in a small ball on the floor. Depression can have similar effects – it’ll often destroy sex life as it smothers the rest of your life under a blanket of trouble.
So what’s the solution? Well, unfortunately, there’s no magic pill that will restore your sex drive instantly – but there are plenty of places you can turn to for help if you’re in a similar situation. Whether it’s depression and sex drive or anxiety-related woe, the first port of call should be your doctor. They can talk you through a variety of different options, such as medication or therapy. In some areas, doctors are trialing prescribing gym memberships for people who believe that exercise (which releases serotonin and endorphins) can be beneficial to their mental health.
I’m not a doctor, so I won’t tell you what you need to do, but I will tell you that one of the first steps for me in helping to boost my sex drive, after months of panicking and stress, was to talk to my doctor.
If you’re worried that something in your life is threatening to kill your sex drive, the first thing to do is take a deep breath, work out what you want, and ask for some help to get it.
Now you know how to prevent of killing your sex drive, we got some tips on how to improve your sex drive. This will help you to get going.
5 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR SEX DRIVE
There are many things in this world that can get someone in the mood for sex. If you think about getting someone in the mood, it is easy for us males. It is very often due to us males being more visually stimulated in our sex life. Although, due to the busy and draining schedules demanded of today’s male, we might need other senses to be stimulated.
More so, to the point of making us better understand what it takes to get females in the mood. Since they require more emotional and mental stimulation. That doesn’t lessen the fun of the process. In fact, it might inspire us to become more creative in the process.
So here’s a list of 5 ways to get your lover in the mood:
This is one of the more obvious ways to get someone in the mood. Since we all have those spots. Those places on our body that whether our sex partner or ourselves touch them…we find ourselves becoming the horniest thing on the planet. And the more sensitive that spot is to sparking our libido, we often care about the who but have way less care about where we get it on for that release.
So if your partner wants to get you in the mood, and they know a touch of your erogenous zone(s) is the way, let them go there. And “there” is a different place for different people. It can even be multiple places. You can also go there yourself. Or direct your sex partner to touch and play with that magic spot for you.
This is also an obvious method. The problem is that with many cultures, many are led to believe being a voyeur as unnatural and vile. The truth is, however, it is actually quite natural. For it has been found that many animals are aroused by seeing sexual acts by others in their species, as well as animals in other species. We, humans, are no different in that regard. And who could blame us when sex is such a beautiful thing.
We humans like to watch. We do it by going to sex parties. We do it with pornography. I myself have had encounters at sex parties and bar backrooms. Where me and my playmate got touched by a voyeur, but not always in a way that is them trying to intrude upon us. It was actually to feel the sexual energy of my playmate and myself and take it into their own play with someone else. So we sparked their mood, and they were passing on to their playmate.
Words are powerful. Many might not realize just how great of a power they are. For while words are the weapon cyber-bullies use to break someone’s spirit, the writer of a love letter uses words to reel in who they believe to be their soul mate. And on that note, it can be the same tool to get a prospective sex partner to become horny.
I know this, for this is my confession….
Be they the scientific, or (subtle or raunchy) slang term, I get sexually aroused by, words about sex and genitalia when it is said by someone I find sexually attractive. All that person has to do is let me know when and where the opportunity for us to get together is, and I’m all theirs.
And I’m sure I’m not the only one. Why else would we scream and howl at each other at erotic open mics, where I’ve been both the audience member and performer of erotic poetry and stories? It is for this reason that last year, I submitted a term to the Urban Dictionary, and it was accepted.
The term is “word-perv” – A person who is easily sexually aroused by words, especially sexual terms, be they scientific or slang terminologies.
Sometimes, certain sounds can get us in the mood. Sometimes, those sounds are instrumental music. Other times, they can be actual songs, which combines this sex catalyst with the previous one of words. For the right combination of music and lyrics, it can definitely get a music lover in the mood. In fact, I’ll give you (lucky) 7 that I have used on my sex playlists that got me compliments for setting the mood:
- “I Want You” (remake) by Madonna
- “In The Closet” by Michael Jackson
- “Throb” by Janet Jackson
- “Skin” by Rihanna
- “Do What U Want” by Lady Gaga with R. Kelly
- “So Deep” by Jim Verraros
- “It” by Prince
And other times, it can be a sound that is a part of sex. This is what inspired my erotic poem, “The Symphony of Sex“. In writing it, I tried to think of all of the sounds associated with sex that can turn on someone aroused by sounds like myself. Such as bedsprings, moans, the sound of bodies slapping together, especially sweaty ones – all of that. They can all be triggers to get someone in the mood.
The way one smells is nothing new in making someone get in the mood for sex. It’s the reason the perfume/cologne business is a big money-making business. It is also why pheromones are either included in the ingredients of some perfumes/colognes or sold by themselves. This, however, is modern-day thinking in making someone want to have sex with you. So what happened before perfumes and colognes?
Before perfumes and colognes, it was natural scents that got one in the mood. Even today, some cultures don’t believe in deodorant for the very purpose of seducing the opposite sex. Well, since sex is an act that incites primal behavior, it can sometimes block out those things we have been taught by the modern teachings of our parents, peers, and the media.
Hence, why I myself admit that if I’m attracted to a man, I can be turned on by his body odor. Primarily when it’s brought about by hard work without deodorant. So I’ve evolved enough with the times to not be tolerant of natural body odor most of the time. However, I do embrace it when my primal instincts connected to sex yearn to be awakened or are sparked by one of the previously mentioned sex-inciters.
This shortlist shows that our 5 senses play a key role in what gets us in the mood for sex. So all one has to do is study your prospective sex partner long enough to figure out their trigger(s). Since we all have at least one. A person just might put up more of a guard because they know how sensitive theirs are. So our job is to pique those senses IF they allow us in their presence long enough to do so.
LeNair Xavier has studied sex and sexuality by reading up on and observing various sexual behaviors. These observations has led to time in the gay porn industry, and now writing erotic poetry. Tales of his journeys leading to his growing sexual knowledge can be found on his blog, L’s X-Ray Vision.
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