What's a threesome?

In the immortal words of The Verve, 'One and one is two but three is company.' 

And a threesome is any sexual act that involves three people. Also, just in case you're wondering, a threesome doesn't have to include full penetration, or even involve touching. 

This leaves the ins-and-outs of precisely what establishes three-way sex open to interpretation.

It also widens the playing field to include non-physical forms of three-way sexual encounters, such as Skype sex and the use of remote-controlled interactive sex toys. As sex toys for men continue to keep pace with sex toys for women, there's no excuse not to embrace remote encounters and let your creativity run wild!

Want to bring in a third to add a new dimension to sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend? 

That's a threesome!

Or how about a hot and heavy Skype session with a two of your more adventurous besties?

Yay, you've got a threesome!

Who are they for?

Threesomes are all about giving and receiving amazing sensations of sexual pleasure. So if you love pleasuring others, or think you would enjoy being the center of attention yourself, you may be interested in giving it a try.

If you're adventurous, confident in your own sexuality, and eager to try out new things, there's everything to gain and nothing to lose.

The group dynamics of three-way sex can also change the experience. You can join a threesome as a couple, as a third, as trio of people who have never met before, or as three mutually attracted friends who just want to fool around.

A threesome is an inclusive term that can mean three-way sex between three women, three men, or any gender combination of sexual partners.

To get an idea for how that might play out, here're a few combos:

feelstars by kiiroo

MMM Threesome: Male-male-male

FFF Threesome: Female-female-female

MFM Threesome: Male-female-male

FMF Threesome: Female-male-female

MMF Threesome: Male-male-female

FFM Threesome: Female-female-male

If you feel uncomfortable with using binary gender terms, you can also look at this way:

PPP Threesome: Penis-penis-penis

VVV Threesome: Vagina-vagina-vagina

PVP Threesome: Penis-vagina-Vagina

VPV Threesome: Vagina-penis-vagina

PPV Threesome: Penis-penis-vagina

VVP Threesome: Vagina-vagina-penis

This still may not be the best way of looking at things for some people. As our understanding of gender continues to evolves, it's worth taking a more fluid approach to understanding three-way sex.

Plus, threesome buddies can also make use of dildos, strap-ons, and to take turns at being the man, or the woman, in the group.

So, it's best to say that you can be any gender, sex, or sexuality and still enjoy a ménage à trois. The only rule is the rule of three!

Threesomes can also be a great way to learn about your own sexual preferences, and create greater intimacy among those involved.

Who are they not for?

While the very mention of a threesome may be enough to get your heart racing, they're definitely not a crutch for flagging relationships. So if you or your partner have any jealousies ,insecurities, or trust issues surrounding your sex lives, then it's probably not what you need right now, and it certainly won't fix anything.

While it may be tempting to bring in a third person for a wild night of passion, the very real possibility of emotional attachments is ever present and always looming. This isn't to say that couples should be shut off to the idea of three-way sex. 

Just make sure you set the appropriate boundaries and that everyone involved feels included and respected throughout the experience. This means that even if one is watching while the other two are having fun, they should be comfortable with the arrangement.

Some three-way positions may even call for this. So viewing threesomes with an open position of fun and sexploration is usually the best approach.

How to engage in a threesome

There's no question that threesomes are at the top of many people's sexual fantasies, yet surprisingly few people have ever experienced one. A survey of heterosexual 18-24-year-olds revealed that that 82% of male and 31% of females might be up for it but only 18% of men and 10% of women followed through on their sexual urges.

While a threesome isn't usually something that you would jump into at the drop of a hat, you can't rule out the possibility, and it's always good to be prepared.

On the other hand, if leaving things to chance isn't your style, here's a few suggestions on how to pop the question to the people you want in your ménage à trois.

  • Find a movie that includes scenes of three-way sex and take a temperature reading by finding out how your partner responds to you saying (in your own words), 'that looks kinda hot!'
  • If you have two FWBS (Friends with benefits), suggest to them how they would feel about meeting together. Perhaps in a hotel room.
  • Try the direct approach - simply ask your lover if they have ever fantasized about having a threesome and take it from there.
  • Making it sound playful and fun can be a gentle way to ease your lover into the possibility of fulfilling a lifelong fantasy.
  • Read the cues! You may have to warm your partner up into the idea of having a threesome but you definitely don't want to force the issue.

Talking it over

Another reason to take this approach, rather than just say, putting your partner on the spot with the surprise appearance of a third you picked up earlier at the bar, is the issue of consent.

Everyone needs to be fully OK with what's going on at all times. 

You should also give some thought to setting up a safe word, in case anyone starts to feel uncomfortable, and talking about each others likes and dislikes beforehand.

And, if you are thinking about bringing in a third - having everyone get tested before having threesome sex is a good idea.

Talk about what protection you are going to use, and what group dynamic you are looking for. Sure, you can try things out in the heat of the moment but it can be helpful to have a sense of direction and a plan.

If feelings are likely to develop, this is a good time to discuss any potential problems that could arise. Communication and trust is also key, as you will be having an intimate sexual encounter with two other people and trust is a three-way street.

When the time arrives, you may not have a great deal of experience in how to make all those body parts fit together in a pleasurable way. Even if you've previously watched three-way erotic content.

Take time to brush up on which sex positions are going to fit with your group. Time spent figuring this out beforehand can add structure to your session and give you more time to enjoy the moment.

Threesomes can take a while to arrange and may last for some time. What happens after the threesome is another detail you might want to take into account. Will you all stay together for the night, or will you all go your separate ways? 

Will you be keeping in touch or will this be a strictly one-time affair? Does anyone have any previous experience and who will take the lead?

Give a thought to aftercare.

A threesome can be a long and intense sexual encounter, so creams, lubes, refreshments, and showers can help to put everyone's mind and body at ease.

If anything else surrounding the situation comes to mind, now's the time to bring it up.

OK, so now you've decided you want to give it a try and have two consensual partners on side, it's time to find your way around the challenging three-way sex positions like a pro!

Check out part two in the series for some examples of threesome sex positions you can try right away.

WRITTEN BY

James Howard

James Howard is a freelance copywriter and content marketer who specializes in creating personalized content experiences for niche audiences. He has years of experience working in the performance marketing industry, and has strong ties to the affiliate world. James currently lives on a 27' sailboat in the Solent on a budget, works from his laptop, and trains calisthenics on the beach.

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