Unless you’re an erotic novelist, chances are you’re in the majority who consider not just how to talk dirty during sex, but how to strike the right balance of being sexy and taking control and not offending or being too full on. 

For those who aren’t naturally gifted in the art of dirty talk, the truth is, it can be a little intimidating. 

In our helpful guide, find out how to get comfortable with expressing yourself sexually, and learn how to talk dirty with confidence.


Straight talk before dirty talk 

Dirty talk is a great way to explore fantasies and communicate your likes and preferences with your partner – but they’ve got to be onboard too. Broach the topic with them and if they’re in agreement it’d be great for the relationship, set a few ground rules first.

Gently encourage them to tell you what they like to hear or, importantly, discuss any words or phrases that are off limits. What you assume would turn them on may actually be a big no-no in their foreplay vocabulary. But how to talk dirty with confidence?

It comes with knowing you’ve put in the ground work first to really listen to each other’s likes and dislikes – and boundaries. Communication, just as it is with any conversations about your sex life, is key here.

Open up the conversation by telling them what you liked about the last time you had sex or describing a sexy dream or fantasy you frequently have, and asking if they’d like to discuss it further. 

kiiroo couples set

Improve intimacy and make deeper connections 

If, even after a deep and meaningful relationship with your significant other, you’re still wondering how to talk dirty to him or her, remember there’s no right or wrong where this is concerned – it’s what works for you and your partner.

You don’t have to pretend you’re the larger-than-life star of your own porn movie if that’s not what works for you. Dirty talk can take various forms according to what turns you on.

It might be that it’s less ‘dirty’ and more romantic, but as long as you’re speaking to each other during sex, it can enhance feelings of intimacy as well as encourage your partner and leave them feeling happy they’re keeping you satisfied.

Dirty talk in your relationship may simply mean you talk about how turned on you both are and tell each other what you like in the moment. Alternatively, you may be in a long-distance relationship and dirty talk over the phone while using interactive sex toys may be a fantastic way to help you feel closer and miss each other less.

Couple sets offer the ideal way to feel intimate with each other, no matter the distance, as they let you each take control of one another’s pleasure. 

What not to do when talking dirty 

The first rule of dirty talk is to not pile unnecessary pressure on either of you – it should be fun, relaxed and enjoyable. You should both also feel totally comfortable with everything that’s being said or done.

You should have already discussed what’s off limits and where the boundaries lie so there shouldn’t be any surprises. But if there are, consent is as important here as it is in any other sexual scenario. 

And finally, don’t always save the dirty talk until bedtime. Text messages during the day. For example, sexting can help set the scene for when you do eventually get together. Take a look at our guide for tips and safe practices when sexting to help get you both in the mood. 

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THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON KIIROO.COM ON 16 DECEMBER 2021.