TALK DIRTY TO ME: THE ART OF SEXTING
Sexting is the art of sending explicit texts, selfies, or nudes to your flirt buddy, 'chingamiga', or some rando you just met on the internet.
And it's not just mobile texts which are getting in on the action. Messenger, Skype, Snap Chat, Facebook and Instagram, and just about every form of social media you can imagine can be used for sexting.
It also goes under a lot of different names - so whether you're sending a fapchat on Snap Chat. Sexting your partner under the duvet, or faxting the hot girl who sits next to you in the office, you're sexting.
But while it may be easy to send someone you just met a few naughty pics whenever the mood takes you, you should probably brush up the finer points of your sextiquette. Especially if you want to be taken seriously and your efforts don't get lost in textlation.
TIPS ON SEXTING
While sexting may not be an exact science, there's a few ABCs you need to follow to make sure you don't get blue thumbed.
The basic idea is to have a plan. Sexting can be a super fun way to get to know your partner. But you definitely don't want to be inappropriately drunk booking your friends late on a Friday night. Don’t use emojizz, don’t use too much sex slang, and for god’s sake, don’t send unsolicited nude pics. That's just asking for trouble.
What you say is just as important as how you say it. That means watch your typos, ditch the lingo and definitely omit the acronyms. You’re trying to weave an erotic fantasy to draw your partner in, so remember to keep it fun and interesting. Avoid the text mess, and don't be a conversation texter.
Sexting is a great opportunity to tap into your inner wordsmith so get creative and have most of all, FUN! Some people find it easier to go from flexting (flirt texting) to sexting, which is great news if you have a naturally flirty disposition.
1. Make Your Intentions Clear
If you’re sexting someone, chances are you’re horny and you want them to be horny too, so let them know this!
By making it clear that you’re going into sexting territory you give yourself and your partner a chance to be in the right headspace (and to perhaps find a more discreet place to continue your digital adventures).
Making it clear to your partner that you want them will also be a huge turn on for them. A great start for what’s up ahead.
2. Avoid Common Mistakes and Learn From the Pros
Don’t use emojis, don’t use too much sex slang, and for god’s sake, don’t send unsolicited nude pics. Proper sexting is an art form.
Grammar and spelling matters when it comes to sexting. You’re trying to weave and erotic fantasy that will lure your partner in. Typically, that’s much easier to do when you avoid phrases like K, whatevz, and U R sooo hot. Sexting is a great opportunity to tap into your inner wordsmith so get creative!
If you’re struggling, then try looking at some popular erotica and take some inspiration from the way they write. For bonus points find out what your partner’s favorite racy literature is and work from there. They’ll definitely appreciate the effort.
3. Call on Past Encounters
If you’re feeling a bit apprehensive about where to start with your sexting then work from experience. Did your partner do something you really liked recently? Let them know about it. Tell them how much it turned you on.
From there you can sidestep into fantasy by asking what they’d do if they were there or if they got a chance to do that to you again.
Not only is this a great way to build sexual tension, but it also gives you a great platform to let your partner know what you love about your encounters. Communication is crucial in a relationship and if you can have fun during the process then that’s a bonus.
4. Show That You Know What Turns Them On
Sexting isn’t just about letting your partner know what you enjoy, it’s also about tapping into their desires and creating a joint fantasy to please and tease each other. As such, once you’ve got the sexting ball rolling by talking about what you like then it might be worth changing pace by focusing on your partner’s desires.
Don’t be afraid to play on your partner’s preferences when sexting. Tease them with their favorite lines. Use your pet names. Cater to their kinks.
As with taking inspiration from their favorite erotica, your partner will appreciate the fact that you’ve made the effort and will respond favorably. It’s also a great way to show them that you care and that you know exactly what they like.
5. Then Explore New Ideas
At first, it may seem like the safe option to sext-based off of what you already know about each other, but sometimes a dash of the unknown can be exactly what a sext session needs.
If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try with your partner, but haven’t been brave enough to mention then sexting is a great way to playfully test the waters. Behind the barrier of the screen, everything is just a little less scary, after all.
If you're feeling adventurous you can even put yourself out there and request titpix4dikpix. But be careful what you're suggesting as you don't want to end up with textual frustration.
Or, if you're feeling romantic you can step up your game and start sallying. This is a romantic variant to sexting. You can take your cues from popular erotica and erotic poems. Bonus points if you can figure out what your partner’s favorite racy literature is and work from there. They’ll definitely appreciate the effort.
This one's more common than you might think, and researcher Kassidy Cox found that "It was intriguing that two-thirds of the individuals who engaged in sexting did so for non-sexual purposes."
SAFE SEXTING PRACTICES
Sexting can be a healthy part of growing up but, as you've probably figured out by now, things can get pretty explicit. So while some people use sexting as foreplay for sexual favors or even a dinner date, it's vital that you get the other person's consent first.
You also need to be careful when sexting strangers that you don't trade pictures with people who can get into legal trouble. This one's self-explanatory but if you screw this up you could be in for a long stretch. A lot of people want to know if sexting counts as cheating. Well, apart from the obvious backlash if you get caught chexting (cheat texting) isn't actually grounds for divorce but it's best to play this one safe, or better yet, not at all.
For some people sexting can be a form of attachment anxiety, and for others the euphoria can be addicting, so watch out. These days people are more likely to view sexting as a form of foreplay. Which may indicate a cultural shift and a wider acceptance of sexting as a form of sexual communication.
One more thing to watch out for: Be careful who you send nudes to on SnapChat. You don't want to be accidentally sexting the world instead of your partner.
This can lead to sexploitation and even sextortion, and other forms of blackmail or cyberbullying. Which is a real threat, so stay safe out there.
EXAMPLES OF SEXTS
Sexting is more common than you might think and can be used in lots of different ways. It can be a great way for couples to bond and there's some evidence to suggest a relationship between sexting and sexual satisfaction.
Others might use sexts to seek approval or relieve hidden tensions or to get something non-sexual in return. Or it can be a stepping stone to the next stage in a relationship. It can be as simple as an exchange of images between two partners or used as a means to take things to the next level.
A 2012 article titled, ‘Texting, sexting, and attachment in college students' romantic relationships’ also tells us that "In a 2011 study, 54% of the sample had sent explicit pictures or videos to their partners at least once, and one third of their sample had engaged in such activities occasionally." - so it's not just a fad for horny young adults. In fact, 59% of young adults had sent sexually explicit text messages at some time. That's likely to be on the increase due to changes in the way we communicate.
So the next time you're in a phonationship with a textual friend and about to embark on the first textgasim of your love making session, spare a thought for all the other iPhone Romeos.
James Howard is a freelance copywriter and content marketer who specializes in creating personalized content experiences for niche audiences. He has years of experience working in the performance marketing industry, and has strong ties to the affiliate world. James currently lives on a 27' sailboat in the Solent on a budget, works from his laptop, and trains calisthenics on the beach.