Anal Sex 101
When it comes to anal sex, everyone is a little nervous when doing it for the first time. And it’s not without reason. The myths and rumors that have been floating around about anal play and sex will deter even the most curious people.
Most of the stories we hear about anal are hilariously traumatic, and that’s the problem. In reality, many people have a great experience; you’re just not hearing about it. If you’re curious about adding anal sex into your sex life, that’s great. But, before you dive right into it, you need to prepare yourself. Because you can't just jump the gun and use a vibrating butt plug without trying out some things first.
Maybe you’ve done it before, but it wasn’t a good experience. Or perhaps you’re entirely new to it. Regardless of your experience, knowing the basics will help you have a pleasurable experience with your partner. Therefore, in this guide, you’re going to learn everything you need to know about it.
What is Anal Sex?
Anal sex is penis-in-anus intercourse. It is when the penis is inserted into the anus and is continued with thrusting for sexual pleasure. Whether the penis is real or artificial, for example, a strap-on dildo, it’s considered anal sex.
And that’s really what it is in a nutshell. It may sound a little daunting, but it is very straightforward and easy to get the hang of.
8 Things You’ve Always Wanted to Know About Anal Sex
Before we dive into how to have anal sex, there are probably some unanswered questions you have floating around in your head. Well, it’s time to answer them and clear up any misconceptions you may have. Here some of the most common questions people have about anal sex.
Who can have anal sex?
There’s this idea that it only happens between two men or a man and a woman. Because of this, many people see anal sex as a sexual activity only men can engage in. But that’s not true. The beauty of anal sex is that anyone can have it. Your sexual orientation doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual activities.
Straight men and women, lesbians, transgenders, and gay men all enjoy having anal sex. If a straight woman wants to penetrate her male partner, she can use a strap-on dildo. If a lesbian couple wants to have anal sex, they’ll use a sex toy as well. As you can see, anyone can have anal sex - it doesn’t define your sexual preferences.
What does anal sex feel like?
This is one of the most popular questions people ask about anal sex, and receiving partners usually ask it. Why? Because they’re terrified of anal sex being painful. After all the myths of anal sex floating around, it’s hard not to believe them.
We’re not going to lie to you, if you don’t properly prepare yourself, it can be painful. But if done properly, it’ll feel amazing. However, the sensations are different depending on whether you have a prostate or not.
Anal sex when you have a prostate
If you have a prostate and are on the receiving end of anal sex, you’re going to have a great time. Why? Because you have a prostate. The prostate is a gland that is responsible for producing a component that makes semen.
But when it comes to anal sex, its location is everything. The prostate gland is located in front of the rectum and can be stimulated either through anal play or sex. Not to mention, a prostate orgasm is an amazing experience. Before heading straight to the prostate, you should try anal play.
Anal play for beginners is a warm-up, allowing you to adjust to new sensations.
Anal sex when you don’t have a prostate
The vagina isn’t the only place where you can receive pleasure. If you have a vagina, you’re in luck. Anal stimulation can feel amazing as the anus contains sensitive nerve-endings. An anal sex orgasm stems from the clitoris, which is the epi-center for female pleasure.
Anal sex can also help women who struggle with achieving orgasm. Since the anus doesn’t stretch like the vagina, the first entry will feel tight; however, the feeling can be reduced through anal play and lubricant.
What will first-time anal sex be like?
The key is preparation. For the first couple of times, it’s going to feel like you need to poop - but you won’t. It doesn’t sound that alluring right now, we know. But, once you get past that sensation, it will feel very pleasurable.
An anal sex orgasm is unlike any other; it’s intense.
First-time anal sex isn’t going to be mindblowing; it will take a couple of attempts before you start to feel genuine pleasure. However, easing into it is essential, which is why you should start with anal play. If you’re wondering what anal play is, don’t worry, we’ll get to it in a little bit.
Is it safe?
If you decide to try anal sex one day without preparing yourself, well, you will run the risk of pain, possible injury or something that will affect your sexual health. However, if you research and prepare yourself and your partner beforehand, anal sex is safe.
Yes, you can contract an STI through anal sex, as you can through any other sexual act, which is why safe sex is essential. Is anal sex safe? If you do it right, yes it is.
If you’re going to have anal sex, you need to prepare for the chance that you may run into some fecal matter. Most people will make sure they’re clean before having anal sex, but it’s the bum - that’s where poop comes from. So, yes, you may see a few poop particles, but you won’t see someone completely poop themselves.
Will there be gas?
You may fart. You’re only human. The best thing to do is just laugh it off. When something is being inserted into your anus, the air gets trapped, and then you fart.
You may fart, you may not fart - no one knows. But if you feel gassy, let it out.
Can you use toys during anal sex?
Yes! Naturally, it depends on the type of sex toy you want to use during anal sex. If you’re going to use anal sex toys, make sure the base has a flared bottom. The last thing you want is to have a sex toy stuck inside.
Focus on sex toys which are specifically designed for anal sex. Anal toys can be great to use as a warm-up during anal play.
Does too much anal sex cause incontinence?
This is a great question. Many people worry that too much anal sex will loosen their anus, causing them to lose control of their bowel movements. There has been little scientific evidence of this happening to anyone who’s had anal sex.
You won’t lose your ability to control your bowels, nor will you be farting all day long. But to be on the safe side, practice kegel exercises - that’ll keep everything nice and tight.
Is there a difference between anal sex and anal play?
Yes! There is a significant difference. Anal sex is a term used to describe penis-in-anus intercourse. Anal play is any sex play that focuses around the anus, rectum or bum. Anal play includes rimming or massaging the anus with one’s fingers, or using a sex toy. First-time anal play is basically an introduction to anal sex.
In other words, if you prepare yourself, anal sex will be a great experience for you. First-time anal play may feel uncomfortable, but after a couple of times, the body will relax and enjoy the sensation. If all your questions are answered, it’s time to learn how to prepare for anal sex.
How to Prepare for Anal Sex
It looks like you’re curious about anal sex - that’s great! The preparation isn’t going to take you months to do - it isn’t a Rocky movie. But if you want to have a good experience, you’ll need to take some time to make sure you have everything in order.
Learn about the anus
Before you even try it out, you need to educate yourself. The anus isn’t so cut and dry. You may think anal sex is all about penetration, but there’s a little more to it than that. The opening of the anus comprises of sensitive nerve-endings for both men and women.
The only difference is that for men it will stimulate the prostate gland and for women, stimulation occurs through clitoral stimulation.
Experiment with anal play
Before diving into anal sex, it’s a smart idea to experiment with anal play. It’s always a good idea to acquaint yourself with the anus and familiarize yourself with the sensations. First-time anal play will feel completely new to you and your partner, but it’ll give you a better idea of what to expect during sex.
You may be wondering how to anal play. Anal play for women and men can be done during masturbation or mutual masturbation, with either your fingers, anal sex toys, or your partner’s tongue (rimming).
Once you feel more comfortable with anal play, whether you’re a receiver or an insertive partner, you’ll be able to move onto anal sex. Remember, anal play isn’t based on your sexual orientation. Anal play is a crucial step before anal sex.
What you eat matters
If you think that eating a spicy burrito is going to turn your partner on before anal sex, think again. When it comes to anal sex, what you eat matters. If you’re receiving, avoid spicy foods and heavy meals before sex. You don’t want to eat a meal that makes your stomach squirm before it - that isn’t going to make for a happy ending.
Clean yourself up
You don’t need to take a bunch of laxatives beforehand; this isn’t the preparation we’re talking about. But you do need to make sure you’ve cleaned up.
If you feel like you need to poop before having anal sex, do it. Take a shower and make sure your anus is soaped up and cleaned. You do not need to douche your anus.
Make sure you have condoms
All forms of sexual acts can be unsafe if you’re not using protection. Whether you’re having casual sex or are in a long-term relationship, use a condom during anal sex. The anus contains bacteria, and by wearing a condom, you’re preventing the spread of infection. When wearing a condom, make sure you lather enough lube on, and you’ll be ready for action.
Use the right lube
When it comes to anal sex, lubrication is everything. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina. This means, if you don’t use lube, it’s going to be extremely painful. So, using a lot of lube is a must. But which lube do you use? Good question.
For anal sex, silicone lubricants is your best option. They work very well with condoms and provide a smooth sensation. Plus, silicone lubricant is thicker and will last longer.
Avoid oil-based lubricants as they tend to tear condoms. When it comes to how much lubricant you should use, well, there’s no such thing as too much lube. The more, the merrier!
Do you want to use a sex toy?
If you’re engaging in it for the first time, you may want to use a sex toy to help you warm-up and prepare for anal sex. But, it’s not something that you need to do. You can warm-up perfectly fine by rimming and using fingers to massage the anus. At the end of the day, you decide what’s best for you.
You now know how to prepare yourself for anal sex, what it is which and how it will feel like. Remember these important tips before diving in and you will find yourself experiencing something pleasurable in your sex life.
Don’t Do It If You Don’t Want To
You may be reading this because you’re genuinely curious about having anal intercourse. If that’s the case, great. But you may also be reading this because your partner is interested in trying anal sex. If you’re feeling overwhelmed to try anal sex when you’re not interested in it, then don’t do it.
You must talk to your partner and let them know what you’re sexually interested in and what you don’t want to do. Everyone has their limitations to what they want to do in their sex life.
When having anal sex, you need to prepare yourself. If you’re new to this, it’s best to use anal play for beginners. Think of it as a warm-up. So, start small. Fingers, tongue, and anal play sex toys can help your partner adjust to the feeling. If you want to go one level up, try anal toys like butt plugs as they can be used during vaginal sex as well. Starting off small is always a good idea for first-time anal sex.
If you’ve read other anal sex tips, then you’ve seen this before. Relax. Trust us on this one; relaxation is the key to great anal sex. If you’re stressed and nervous, your entire body will tighten, and that’s not what you want.
The sphincter, the muscle on the opening of your anus, is extremely sensitive and responds to your body’s stress levels. If you’re stressed, it’ll tighten. This isn’t a good formula for anal sex. That’s why you must focus on being relaxed during anal sex. The more relaxed you are, the easier it’ll be.
The Tip Hurts the Most
When it comes to anal sex, one part of the penis hurts the most: the tip. The tip of the penis is the thickest part which means it’ll give a sting when it’s being inserted into the anus. But, just because the tip is known to hurt the most, doesn’t mean it will.
With enough lube and communication with your partner, it should go in smoothly. As a receiver, if you’re feeling slight pain, let your partner know. They can check on their end if they need more lube or need to slow down.
Have Consistent Communication
Communication is the ticket to great sex. Whether it’s anal or vaginal sex, you need to communicate with your partner. Ask them how they’re feeling throughout the session, and listen to their body language. Are they moaning? Are they completely silent? If they’re not enjoying the experience, make sure you stop immediately.
There May Be A Little Bit of Blood
After anal sex, you may notice a little bit of blood. It’s nothing to worry about. Since the anus isn’t designed for penetration, it’s full of sensitive tissue and muscle. If any tissue or muscle tears, there will be a little bit of blood. But the keyword here is a little. If you’re finding discharge or excessive bleeding from your anus, stop having sex and contact your doctor.
The Best Positions for Anal Sex
You now know how to enjoy anal sex, but you may be wondering about the various positions. Is 'doggy style' the only one? No, it’s not. Whether it’s your first time trying anal sex or someone who’s done it before, you must know the other positions out there for you to try. Here are some for beginners.
The missionary position is a classic! You probably didn’t expect to see this on the list of anal sex positions, but there’s a reason why. It’s versatile and works for either anal or vaginal sex. Plus, you have the bonus of eye contact since you are face to face with your partner.
It’s a position that allows you to move around easily and increases communication between partners. A pillow may need to go underneath the receiver for a better angle or have their legs resting on the giver’s shoulders.
2. Facing Down
Though it lacks eye contact, facing down is a great beginner’s position. The giver has more accessibility and control as they can see where they’re going. If you’re starting off with anal play for men or women receivers, this is a perfect position to start off with.
The receiver will lay completely flat on their stomach with their legs spread slightly apart. After rimming or massaging the anus, the giver and smoothly transition into anal sex.
3. Cowgirl/Reverse Cowgirl
Being on top is great if the receiver is looking for more control over depth, pressure, and speed. With on top positions, the receiver can find the perfect angle for them that hits the spot.
If the receiver is a man, he can easily slide up and down or side-to-side. Regardless of gender, both men and women receivers have optimal control during anal sex in the cowgirl/reverse cowgirl positions.
4. Doggy Style
Doggy style is one of the most well-known positions for anal sex, yet, that doesn’t mean it’s the best. Of course, doggy style is a great position, but if you’re a beginner, you’re better off with missionary or facing down.
In doggy style, the receiver needs to be relaxed as the giver is in complete control. If you’re more advanced, you can incorporate breast or clitoral stimulation.
5. Lying Sideways
Another good position for beginners is lying sideways. If you’re nervous, lying sideways can provide a more relaxed experience. The receiver will lay on their side as the giver comes from behind, in a spooning position. This is also an excellent position if the receiver is pregnant or suffering from knee or back pain.
It may take some time until you find anal sex positions that suit you. Since everyone is different, you may discover another position that’s not on this list.
What’s important is that you feel comfortable and relaxed in the position you’re in. If you’re interested in spicing things up, it’s time you learned what the best sex toys for anal sex are.
What you may not know is that there are way more anal sex positions to try out—and we’re going to reveal them. These 10 anal sex positions range from easy to advanced for all couples that will hit the spot (if you know what I mean). So grab a bunch of water based lube and let's go!
We all have those days where we’re horny but also a little lazy. If you’re the receiver and in a lazy mood, this spooning position will hit the spot. The spooning position is not face to face, so it’s great if you’re not feeling like eye contact.
To do this one, you and your partner lie on your sides, facing the same direction. You raise your knees slightly up for easier access while your penetrating partner enters from behind. You can do the spooning position on the couch, floor, bed—it’s pretty versatile.
8. Seated Anal
For steamy face to face anal sex, try this position. You can do this on the couch or bed, but what’s important is you pick a comfortable spot. You straddle your penetrating partner, with your legs resting to their side.
This position allows for easier access and deep penetration, but the receiver has control. It’s also extremely romantic—plenty of eye contact, kissing and hugging.
9. The Bend and Snap
This may sound like an easy position, but don’t be fooled. This one is not for beginners. For receivers, you have very little control over the depth and speed. So, you’ll want to make sure you’re doing this with a trusted partner.
Lean against your kitchen table, armrest, or counter while your penetrating partner enters from behind. Because the receiver lacks control, make sure you’re using lots of water-based lube.
10. Cheeky Monkey
Well, this one is very cheeky. While straddling each other in a 69 position, both of you can experiment with anal play and sex toys. You can finger each other or use anal sex toys like the OhMiBod Lumen powered by Kiiroo butt plug.
It’s great for beginners who want to feel more comfortable before engaging in anal sex. Try this out on your bed or kitchen floor.
11. The Bodyguard
Who said anal sex isn’t intimate? The Bodyguard position gives a romantic twist to anal sex. You stand behind the receiver, entering them, making sure your bodies are close together.
You can wrap your arms around your partner for added intimacy. It’s a great position regardless of experience and can be done anywhere you can stand safely.
12. The Kinky Cowgirl
This one is similar to the traditional cowgirl position, only this time it’s with anal penetration. You lie on their back, while they straddle you. This is an amazing anal sex position for beginners as they get the control.
So, they can decide if they want deep penetration or not and go at their own pace. Just make sure you’re using lots of water-based lube.
13. The Snake
Are you an anal sex regular? If so, give this position a try. While lying on your stomach, you raise your hips up slightly, keeping the rest of the body on the bed or floor.
Your penetrating partner enters from behind. For deep penetration, get your partner to lean back, holding your hips. While your partner enters you, you can stimulate your clitoris with a sex toy.
14. Legs on Shoulders
Similar to the missionary position, but with a twist. While lying on your back (receiver), you place your legs over your partner’s shoulders. This isn’t exactly a first-time position; for real beginners, stick to the cowgirl position, spooning, or seated anal.
But if you’ve had anal sex before, this position is great for deep penetration. You can do this on your couch, bed, or floor.
15. The Inversion
Now, this one is for advanced anal lovers. It’s similar to the “legs on shoulders” position, but one step up. Your (receiver) legs will be over their shoulders; however, your booty will be tilted at an upwards angle.
This position allows for deep penetration and for you to stimulate your clitoris. There’s a chance unless you’ve stretched beforehand, you may get a leg cramp—but it’s worth it.
16. The Hot Seat
Whether you’re using a strap-on or penis, this position allows for deep anal penetration. They kneel in front of a chair or bed, holding on tight. You enter from behind.
If you have a bean bag in your living room or a lazy boy chair, those are the perfect places to try this position out. The position allows for easier access, but you may want more control if you’re a beginner.
After reading this list, you can see there are so many more positions other than Doggystyle. Remember to practice them in a safe space and have safe words at hand incase there is something you or partner are uncomfortable doing.
So, find a position that suits your needs (try them out with anal sex toys if you want), and enjoy!
Anal Sex Aftercare
Your anal sex session may have come to an end, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. Now, it’s time for anal sex aftercare. You love your bum, right? That means you need to take care of it after a night of fun.
If you’re going to be having vaginal sex after anal sex, you need to switch condoms. The anus has bacteria that can cause dangerous vaginal infection, and you don’t want it to spoil your fun. Plus, it’ll also reduce the risk of contracting an STI. In other words, it’s a smart thing to do.
Go to the Bathroom After
Just like after any sexual activity, you need to go to the bathroom and remove any bodily fluids that may have escaped the condom. If you used a silicone-based lubricant, then it’s a good idea to have a couple of wipes ready to remove it.
Silicone-based lubes are best for anal sex, but they’re also thicker than water-based lubes. A gentle shower or wet wipes will do the trick of cleaning you up.
Wipe From Front to Back
If you’re a woman, you should never wipe back to front after having anal sex. Like we said above, the anus is full of bacteria that are dangerous for the vagina.
Wiping back to front will push the bacteria into the vagina; that’s not what you want. Instead, make sure to wipe front to back, pushing anal fluids away from the vagina.
Have a Good Fart
You read that right. You need to fart! After anal sex, the odds are you’re going to feel gassier than usual. After anal sex for women and men, the sphincter is relaxed, causing gas to escape.
But that’s not a bad thing; in fact, it’s encouraged. During anal sex, your body traps air and now it needs to get out. So, technically, it’s not a fart; it’s air.
Pay Attention to Your Poop
Your anus isn’t technically designed for intercourse, which means the muscle fibers and blood vessels, and tissue layers can be damaged during anal sex. Bleeding can be expected after anal sex if there’s tissue tearing. However, if there’s prolonged bleeding, discharge, or sores developing around the anus, you need to see your doctor.
Practice Your Kegels
If anal sex and anal play for women is repetitive, it can relax the anal sphincter. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to poop yourself. If you’re worried about that happening, kegel exercises are a great way to tighten the pelvic floor muscles and anal sphincter.
Clean Your Toys
If you’re using sex toys, it’s essential to clean them after every sexual encounter. Your sex toys should be wearing condoms as well. Sex toys can hold bacteria and STIs; thus, it’s crucial you spend time cleaning your toys. There are specific solutions you can use or simple soap and water will do the trick.
With this guide, you have everything to need to know about anal sex. Remember, take some time to get acquainted with the anus, and focus on anal play before taking the big step to anal sex. By following the steps, you’ll feel more comfortable and confident during anal sex. We hope you enjoyed our anal sex tips and advice - have fun and enjoy safe sex!
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.