Many people are unsure of what their sexual turn-ons are, and that’s normal. Exploring your body is not something to be rushed, but savored as a delicious and deserved part of your self-care routine. It can also change over time - what gives you pleasure now might be different as you move into new phases of your life.
Whether it’s your first time masturbating or your 500th, this guide to self sexual pleasure will
help you get to know yourself deeply, so you can more confidently express what you want in bed - either solo or with a partner.
1. Think about exploring your body with an open and curious mind
Before learning the physical side of how to make love to yourself sexually, spend time exploring your feelings on pleasure. This extends deeper than simply getting ‘in the mood’, but acknowledging your thoughts surrounding sex and masturbation to build an empowering mindset.
- Firstly, don't assume what turns others on will turn you on. Society and media can have a damaging impact on what we ‘think’ we should find arousing - cutting us off from our own turn-ons. But the truth is, our desires are all different - our individual eroticism entirely unique.
- Secondly, know and believe that you are worthy of pleasure - self acceptance is the first step towards self love. What’s needed to feel sensual and sexy is safety and respect for yourself and your body… no judgment, no shame. Understanding that is so powerful. The rest comes later (pun intended).
2. Dedicate time to exploring your body, slowly and intentionally
Exploring your body sexually extends way beyond how you like to be touched. It can include rhythm, pressure, pace, surroundings, energy, and other sensory stimulation (for example, scents or sounds). This might not come naturally to you, particularly if it’s your first time. So, spend time getting to know your physical body.
You may not even begin with your genitals - instead, choosing to stimulate other areas of pleasure such as your nipples, ears, feet, neck, thighs... you might be surprised by what you find. But if nothing comes up, that’s normal too. Treat self-exploration like a new relationship with a partner - be curious and take your time.
3. Consider the adult content you consume
If you watch, read, or listen to adult content, it can be a great starting point for identifying any themes you’re drawn to. Perhaps there’s a certain plot line, power dynamic, spoken interaction, or something as simple as a body type that you’ve found yourself looking for on more than one occasion.
There’s infinite porn available on the internet catering to just about every kink imaginable (vampire sex, anyone?), as well as adult stars who perform regular webcam shows. There’s also sensual erotica and audio stories, if you discover you’re more into using your imagination or find sounds more arousing than visuals. If you’ve never consumed any adult content, our FeelStar Apolonia Lapiedra advises using ‘a lot of lube’ and enjoying the moment.
4. Experiment with different sensations (and maybe sex toys)
Learning how to make love to yourself sexually might involve touching different parts of your body and genitals with different paces and rhythms. Try playing with light feather strokes, deeper massages, gentle tweaking, tickling, and tapping to find what you respond to. You can do this with your hands (or a partner), or use a pleasure product.
- For vulva-owners, female sex toys such as our Pearl3 and Pearl2+ are touch-sensitive, with a range of patterns for you to find what feels good either clitorally or directly to your G-spot. If you’re new to vibrators, explore and compare different vibes to see what piques your curiosity.
- Penis-owners can experiment with all kinds of sensations, as well as different patterns and speeds, with masturbators and strokers such as our award-winning Keon and FeelStroker. For climaxing without stroking, Pulse Solo Interactive is the world’s first interactive Guybrator™, using pulsating technology to deliver hands-free orgasms.
- And for anyone wishing to explore self sexual pleasure anally - our silky-soft Lumen is a dreamy starter butt plug. As the anus isn’t self-lubricating, stock up on premium water-based lube for more comfortable, sensual buttplay.
5. Exploring your body with a partner
Sharing our most intimate desires can make us feel vulnerable. We may shy away from vocalizing our needs and feelings in fear of damaging the relationship or being humiliated. But communication is vital in the bedroom - and, in order to share what turns you on with a partner, it’s down to you to learn how to make love to yourself sexually. No one is a mind-reader, after all!
The same applies when exploring your partner's body. Try and open up a conversation, perhaps during foreplay, to discuss what arouses you in a light and playful way. Phrases such as ‘I like it when you…’ or ‘I’d prefer it if we…’ can be positive in helping a partner learn what turns you on - and vice versa. If you’re feeling shy, a fun text or voice-note might help both you and a partner express your erotic delights.
Another great way to see exactly what your partner enjoys (and to show them how you pleasure yourself) is mutual masturbation - where you each pleasure yourself separately, watching each other until you both climax. Thrilling and educational - how about that?
Exploring your body sexually comes with so many health benefits. Knowing this, as well as these feel-great tips for learning your desires better, can help you explore your body in a new light. Ultimately, remember there are no rules - let go, be curious, and have fun.