Crazy Sex Positions

June 19, 2019

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4 SEX POSITIONS THAT SOUNDED BETTER IN THEORY

We’ve all been there. You’re feeling adventurous. You want to spice up your sex life, so you try out some crazy sex positions. What could go wrong, right? But then gravity and your poor stamina kick in and you wish you’d have just stuck with the good old missionary position. Open up any edition of Cosmopolitan magazine and you’ll be bombarded with the most elaborate, acrobatic, gravity-defying, mind-blowing, crazy sex positions.

You can’t help but wonder “When is the last time I got laid doing anything other than the trusty missionary position, doggy style or cowgirl position?”. “What is the wildest sex you’ve ever had?”

You decide it’s time for a change. You will spice up your sex life, no matter the cost. Just be careful, because sometimes crazy sex positions sound super hot in theory, but just do not work at all when you try them out in real life.

SHOWER SEX: THE FINAL FRONTIER

Just imagine a smoking hot guy or gal butt naked in an equally steaming hot shower. Water and soap dripping all over their fine-ass body… It’s not hard to understand the appeal of shower sex...until you actually fucking try it.

First of all, shower sex requires you to do it standing up and attempt standing positions. Which might be a no-brainer if you’re a seasoned gymnast, but otherwise it is quite hard. Secondly, the water in the shower can actually make your private parts dry and therefore not very suitable for intercourse.

Another concern with shower sex is that it is slippery, which might lead to an awkward visit to your local hospital. So be careful when trying to enjoy a steamy shower sex session.

"I'm not sure if this is universal, but what the heck, why is shower sex so difficult? It seems so sexy and obviously works in movies, but come on, it's like a broken hip waiting to happen. It’s too awkward to be worth it to me. How can you relax and enjoy yourself when you're worried about breaking your hip?! But wait, does everyone feel that way?” – Evelynn, 26

SEX IN YOUR CAR

There’s just something irresistible about the idea of having sex outside. Car sex gives you the thrill of outside sex, while still providing a certain amount of comfort and warmth. And protection from the wilderness. Nevertheless, crazy sex in your car is not always a bump-free ride.

If, up until now, you’ve only ever had sex in the safety of your own bed, switching to a motor vehicle might take a bit of getting used to. Especially the confined amount of space can be tricky, as you can read in the story below:  

"One time, my ex and I were having sex in my truck, and I hit my head so bad I thought I had a concussion. We obviously had to stop, and it was actually so bad that I needed to get ice.” -Steve, 35

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SPOONING

If you’re tired and horny at the same time, spooning sex might sound perfect. In this position, the man enters the woman from behind as they both lie on their sides. Sounds easy enough right? Nope.

Because of the unusual angle, it’s hard to reach full deep penetration in this sex position. Even if the guy's penis is big enough to penetrate, it will only be halfway in at best. Because of this, there will be little to no clitoral stimulation. So the chances that she orgasms in this sex position are slight. Also, this lazy position contains the risk of one of you falling asleep during your lovemaking session.

“The whole experience just felt kinda awkward. My girlfriend and I were in a bit of a rut in our sex life. So we wanted to try spooning-style for the first time. Only to find out that my junk wasn’t big enough to actually penetrate her from that angle. Talk about a mood kill.” – Jason, 24


REVERSE COWGIRL POSITION

The cowgirl position is a true classic, lovingly applied by couples all over the world. But if you’re looking to spice up your sex life, you might just want to turn things around. Literally.

In the reverse cowgirl position, the woman places herself on top of the man. But instead of going face to face and constant eye contact, she faces his feet. Now for some couples, the reverse cowgirl position is a gift from the sex gods. For others, however, not so much. As becomes obvious in this poor girls story: 

“When I’m in reverse cowgirl position, I don’t feel very much, and I’m basically looking at my boyfriend’s feet, which aren’t very sexy. Since I can barely feel him inside of me, I only know it’s working by the sounds he’s making. Also, I really worry about breaking his penis off.” Jessica, 30


FINAL THOUGHTS: So there you have it, 4 crazy sex positions that sounded better in theory. Perhaps sticking to something that is more up your lane would be better and safer. And hey, why not try masturbating ;) 

Written by

Lara Metman

Discover more of Lara's work 

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