We all want that passionate sex with our partners—you know what sex I’m talking about. Maybe you already have it, but if you’re not, it’s never too late to start. Thankfully, the science world has been lasering in on how to have better sex, and it comes down to gratitude.
A study published in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science looked at how gratitude affects sexual communal strength (SCS). SCS is what researchers use to describe how willing people are to fulfill their partner’s sexual needs, even when their needs differ from our own.
Our sexual communal strength improves relationship satisfaction, and one way to achieve that is through gratitude. Crazy, right?
In essence, receiving gratitude from a partner increases our motivation to fulfill their sexual needs, increasing relationship satisfaction. Now that you know this information, how do you develop gratitude practice in your relationship (more specifically, in your sex life)?
How you and your partner can engage in gratitude sex
Luckily, you’re not the only one who’s curious about gratitude sex. Plenty of people want to improve their sex lives—and we know the steps you need to take to do it. While gratitude sex may sound like a sex move, most of these steps have nothing to do with what you’re doing under the sheets.
Have a nightly routine
Gratitude sex isn’t necessarily about what you and your partner are doing during sex. Developing a nightly ritual where you and your partner spend 10 minutes together cuddling and expressing your positive feelings towards each other can bring you closer together. You can mention something sweet they did for you today or something they said that made you feel appreciated and happy.
I know, I know you—you definitely didn’t expect this one when you read the title! I told you gratitude is more than meets the eye. To increase relationship satisfaction, both partners should keep journals where they keep a daily log of gratitude.
It may feel like you’re keeping tabs on your partner, but that’s not the point. Having a gratitude journal helps you feel emotionally satisfied about your relationship.
You can include things in your journal like “he/she did the dishes after dinner,” “he/she listened to me talk about a problem I had at work,” or “he/she gave me a big kiss before leaving for work this morning.” When it comes to intimacy, it’s about the small things.
Embrace your sexual curiosities
Now, this step is more focused on sex and intimacy. While you both need to appreciate each other and the things you do for one another, it’s also important to have gratitude for yourself.
This will help you become closer to yourself and your partner. Practicing gratitude towards yourself and embracing your sexual curiosities can help you reverse harmful thought patterns while exploring your sexuality and engaging in intimacy.
In the morning, get up and connect with yourself through some positive thoughts, like the following:
- I’m thankful my sexual curiosities have taught me more about myself
- I am grateful for my sexual exploration
- I’m thankful that I trust myself and feel empowered by my sexuality
To help you explore yourself, spend some time alone through solo play and explore your sexual curiosities. You can masturbate the ol’ school way or use one of Kiiroo’s interactive sex toys, like the Pearl3 Vibrator.
If you’re feeling appreciative of your partner doing something, say it! Don’t wait. Get yourself into the habit of expressing appreciation in the moment. Both you and your partner need to make this an active practice (you need to feel some gratitude too!).
Even if all you say is, “I really appreciate you doing these dishes” or “I really appreciate you making me a coffee,” you’re showing your partner that you need all they’re doing for you.
Having gratitude sex isn’t something you just do—it’s what you work up to. By following these steps and including gratitude as a part of your daily routine, you’ll notice your sex becoming more intimate. Not only will practicing gratitude change your sex life, but it’ll change your relationship for the better.
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.
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