How to relax and enjoy sex

National Relaxation Day (Aug 15th) is coming up, and we can’t think of any other way we’d rather celebrate than with a session between the sheets – solo or coupled. Masturbation and sex are great ways to unwind, and work wonders for our overall wellness.

Here, we cover why a steamy sesh can help us loosen up, and discuss how to be more relaxed during sex if you find nervousness or tension creeping in.

Does sex relax you?

The short answer is yes, yes YES! The pressures and obligations of everyday life can build up and cause stress, but masturbation and sex can bring a sense of escapism and relief. In fact, they serve as a kind of meditation in the sense that your focus switches to your current physical sensations rather than any racing thoughts – that’s mindfulness!

OK, so we know it relaxes your mind… but does sex relax your body? Also yes! Orgasms bring a release of muscular tension and genital blood flow that builds up during arousal, resulting in a rush of endorphins and a tranquil feeling throughout our bodies.

And that’s not the only way sex and masturbation benefit health – they can also increase self-esteem, lead to better sleep and much more. We’re in!

How to relax during sex

Alongside everyday stresses feeding into our sex life, we can also become tense or nervous because of sex-specific worries. From ingrained feelings of shame surrounding sex to performance anxiety and fixating on achieving the big ‘O’, there are several things that can make it difficult to relax between the sheets. Here are some tips and tricks you can try:

Focus on your breathing

It’s classic advice that we’ve all heard before, but with good reason. Focusing on our breath helps to regulate our nerves and emotions because breathing is something that happens naturally and regularly.

We don’t have to think about it, but by focusing on the physical sensation of breathing, we can pull ourselves away from any thoughts and feelings that are running away with us and bring ourselves back to the present. Simple, yet very effective.

Visualize your partner during masturbation

Our imaginations are powerful, and by visualizing your partner during masturbation, you can discover what works for you – without the nerves associated with commanding or pleasing a partner.

It may be that you explore your pleasure points with vibrators or masturbators, or discover a certain position in which you orgasm more easily. Either way, once you’ve found out this valuable information on your own, it’s much easier to explore it with your partner. Which brings us to our next point…

Communicate with your partner

First things first – if you’re with a partner and are struggling to relax because you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, remove yourself from the situation. It goes without saying that you should only have sex if you feel safe, aren’t in pain and actually want to go ahead with it.

If you’re ready to get intimate but are feeling nervous, that’s normal! Here, communication is key and while it can feel difficult to open up, you’ll feel better once you do. You may even discover that your partner is having nervous thoughts too. And if your worries revolve around not knowing how to talk dirty, we’ve got you covered.

Alternate between touch and thought

This is another way to practice mindfulness in sex, and can help teach you to stay focused on your present sensations rather than simply aiming for the end goal.

Using either your fingers or a Fuse vibrator, simply tap or touch an erogenous zone such as your testes or clitoris, then pause and just think about the sensation.

Go back to touching, switching between the two for a few rounds. This will help strengthen your connection between touch and thought, making it easier for you to achieve orgasm. Saying that…

Don’t fixate on orgasm

Knowing that focusing on feel-good sensations results in heightened pleasure can help us achieve the blissful ecstasy we all crave. It's said that if you actively try to fall asleep, you’re less likely to fall asleep than if you just embrace the moment you’re in. The same goes for orgasms.

Rather than a goal-oriented approach, adopt a mindful approach to sex and hone your attention in on what you’re feeling right now. As this helps you relax during sex, you’ll be enjoying a knee-trembler before you know it.