Virtual Sex Party Etiquette: The Do’s and Don’ts

Virtual Sex Party Etiquette: The Do’s and Don’ts

4 Virtual Sex Party Etiquettes

Unfortunately, COVID-19 has put a halt on many social gatherings. That definitely includes gatherings like sex parties. With that being the case, some sex parties have gone virtual. And saying such a thing, I know one question that sparks is…

What is a virtual sex party?

The way sex parties go virtual is by using a meeting app with video, like Zoom. Through such apps, participants gather to play voyeur to one another. Mostly it’s watching each other masturbate.

However, there are times when couples, friends with benefits, one-night stands, and groups are in one or more of the screens that you can highlight (or pin). So you are able to play voyeur to them.

In a way, it’s a bit like the sexual utopia I presented in my erotic poem “Sex In Unison”. In which everyone having sex simultaneously lessens the envy based on our perceptions of how someone else is living.

So virtual sex parties are more of a visual confirmation. One that can often lessen that envy even more so.

With a virtual sex party, even though you are not in direct contact with people, there are still rules of etiquette that you should abide by. And just like the rules of sex party etiquette on my blog “L’s X-Ray Vision”, the forthcoming rules were inspired by me seeing many cross boundaries. Boundaries that some never considered important to acknowledge simply because it is a virtual event.

Well, for starters…

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Treat a virtual sex party like a real-world sex party

As I said, I have an entire category on “L’s X-Ray Vision” titled “Sex Party Etiquette”. Much of those rules can in some way be transferred to a virtual sex party. The fundamental components that caused most of those rules (and the following) to be written are consent and respect.

Show yourself

At a real-world party, unless you are approaching someone who wants to be penetrated by someone anonymously, you are not allowed to hide in the shadows. Or just be a voice in the crowd, yet expect to be acknowledged or respected.

The same goes for a virtual sex party. If you want to show no part of yourself whatsoever, then a porn performer’s webcam session is where that is more so encouraged.

The reason from what I have witnessed is because many infantile complaints about parties and harassment of participants are often perpetrated by those who have their cameras off. So now, most of the online events that I have logged onto (or have not attended, but heard of) are asking for all participants to have their cameras on.

Don’t bark out commands

There have been times during a virtual party in which I’m showing my butt, then all of the sudden I will get a command of “Show me your hole!” in a direct message. I completely ignore them because not only do they usually not have their camera on, but I had no previous interaction with them.

Therefore, a Dom/Sub relationship was not established, even virtually. So they are out of line to expect barking a command at me was something I would acknowledge.

Just like at a real-world sex party, if some form of BDSM is not in the party’s theme, then such aggression should not be one’s initial approach. That initial approach is only good after a participant addresses either you and/or the chatroom as to how they like to take orders. In short, with no BDSM theme at the party, you don’t anoint the submissive. You let the submissive anoint you.

Let your intended guide the dirty talk

Most gay males reading this might be finding this to be an odd rule. Because males usually like to get right to it, especially at a sex party. Sometimes the language really is as straightforward as saying, “You wanna fuck?”.

However, that can be off-putting regardless of your intended playmate’s gender. For you are dealing with different levels of comfort, even in a virtual space. Therefore, some might be new to logging into a virtual party, and not feel that comfortable chatting that aggressively just yet.

In all my greetings. I try to find a middle ground. That’s why I start off by complimenting a guy by simply saying, “NICE!!!!” because of what they are showing.

I might say “Nice ass!”, but that is the furthest I will go at first. If I up the ante, it is because the receiver of the message came back more aggressively in their dirty talk to me.

From these rules, I think it is safe to say that unlike how the real world tries to do it, at a virtual sex party, the recipient of the advances, which some would call “the submissive” has more outward power as to how far you will advance in your interaction. That is if you advance at all.

With all of this, one thing I hope the (hopefully) temporary shutdown of these spaces, has caused a lot of people to re-evaluate and re-assess their approach to people. Such as in sex party spaces.

Perhaps they will take these rules here and implement them when sexually permissive spaces become more available again. Thereby making them spaces that some who were once afraid of will reconsider giving another try.


LeNair Xavier

LeNair Xavier has studied sex and sexuality by reading up on and observing various sexual behaviors. These observations has led to time in the gay porn industry, and now writing erotic poetry. Tales of his journeys leading to his growing sexual knowledge can be found on his blog, L’s X-Ray Vision.

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