Why Communication is Key
Whether it’s a one-night stand, a casual relationship or someone you want to be exclusive with, you need to play it safe. One thing sex ed class doesn’t teach us is the importance of talking about sex with our sexual partner. This lack of communication leads to people making many huge assumptions; assumptions that can carry consequences. Sure, the guy you want to bring home from the club may look like he showers, but is he really clean? You get what I mean, right? The only way you can know the answer to the question is if you ask it.
You know the saying, “when you assume you make an ass out of u and me.” We don’t want you to look like an ass. Here are some assumptions you should never make about a new sexual partner.
1. If they’re enjoying sex
You may be having a blast, but what about your partner? Are they sharing that same enthusiasm? Sure, you can analyze their face to see what’s going on, but you can never really know. You may be ready to orgasm, but they want to continue having sex - they’re not ready for it to be over yet. But the only way you can truly know this is if you check in with them.
Many people feel uncomfortable checking in with their partner during sex, but it doesn’t make sense. You’re having sex with them; it’s one of the most intimate acts you can do with someone else. If you can’t communicate with them, then you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to have sex.
2. If they’re STD free
A woman or man may look hygienic. Their hair is clean, they smell good, they’re clothes are well kept, but that doesn’t mean anything. For all you know, they could have herpes or chlamydia. The thing about STIs is that they don't discriminate. They don’t skip good looking or hygienic people; STIs are opportunists looking for their next victim. Don’t make any assumptions they’re STI free by judging their appearance. If you do, you’re going to be greatly disappointed.
3. They want the same relationship as you
You’re planning out the wedding, while they’re planning out who they’re going to sleep with next. Do you see where the problem is? If you’re interested in a relationship and your partner wants something casual, this is when people’s feelings get hurt. Before having sex with anyone, you need to know what you want. That way, when you find out what your partner wants, you can decide whether or not it’s something that’s right for you. The worst feeling is when you give yourself to someone who isn’t on the same page as you.
4. How they practice safe sex
It may seem unsexy to talk with your partner about practicing safe sex, but when you’re sitting at the doctor's office with an itchy crotch, you’ll wish you had talked about it. Before you having sex with anyone, you both need to agree on the type of protection you’re going to use. Will condoms be used? Is the woman on birth control? These questions need to be answered.
5. What they’re into
Many people will assume someone’s sexual behavior by the way they dress, talk, or walk. Now, sometimes it can lead you in the right direction, but usually, not. When it comes to sex, everyone has their own preferences of what sexually arouses them. Some people enjoy oral sex while others are aroused by feet. When it comes to knowing what your partner likes, don’t assume. Just ask them.
6. What they’re consenting to
They may have told you they enjoy being spanked, but this doesn’t mean they’re consenting to be tied and gagged. These are completely different sexual acts. Just because they’re consenting to a specific act, doesn’t mean they’re consenting to everything else. Do not assume your partner is consenting to anything until you get a “yes.” If they don’t give you a straight answer, always assume it’s a “no.” Consent isn’t something you can assume.
7. Whether you’re the only person they’re sleeping with
You may think you’re the only one, but how do you really know that? Not everyone is a one-sexual-partner-at-a-time kind of person. Some people have a couple of partners in rotation. Neither is wrong, but you need to know where you stand. Not only can this lead to misinterpretation of the relationship, but also your sexual health is in question.
8. If they’ve orgasmed
Knowing if someone has orgasmed isn’t so clear at times. In addition, people orgasm in different ways. Some people orgasm without ejaculation and vice versa. The most precise way to know if someone has orgasmed is to ask them. Communication can really help to improve orgasming as well. So, it’s really a win-win to talk about orgasms with your partner.
9. If they want to have sex with you again
Let’s be real here. Not everyone who’s going to have sex with you will want to have sex with you again. This isn’t something you should take personally. If there wasn’t a connection or the person is strictly into keeping one-night stands as they are; they may not be interested in taking this any further. This can be a shot to your ego, especially because everyone wants to be sexually desired. But you’re not always going to click with the person you’re sleeping with, and that’s normal. Just move onto the next.
When it comes to sex, you cannot make any assumptions about your partner. Sex isn’t grocery shopping; it’s intimate and is attached to your sexual health as well. So, when it comes to having sex, don’t leave any questions unanswered. The more you talk about it, the more you’ll know about your partner and vice versa. And that not only gives you peace of mind, but it will keep you relaxed when the time comes to have sex.
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.