Why We Focus So Much on Orgasm
Many of us have grown up with the idea that orgasm is the main goal of both sex and masturbation. Some might even feel like any sexual act that doesn’t lead to an orgasm at the end is unsuccessful or disappointing.
So they end up hyperfocusing on the end goal and chasing it so hard that in the end, it either doesn’t happen or feels kind of… meh. I know I’ve been there and you might have as well.
Why the Journey Matters More Than the Finish
If you are tired of desperately chasing for an orgasm that rarely leaves you feeling fulfilled and satisfied, I have a solution for you.
Just like with many other things in life, in sex and masturbation, it is important to enjoy the whole journey instead of just focusing on the end goal. As a result, you’ll be happier, more relaxed and likely will reach more intense orgasms than ever before.
So, how do you do that? By adding teasing and anticipation to this playful, sensual act.
Desire Starts in the Brain
First, you have to remember that desire begins in the brain long before it reaches your genitals. You have to make sure that you’re in the right mindset before anything starts.
If you are in a rush to get somewhere afterwards or your mind is preoccupied with the never-ending list of work tasks, it might not be the right moment to explore teasing and anticipation.
Start by making time for this sexual exploration and relax, perhaps with a warm bubble bath and a glass of wine. Once that’s done, you can get to the fun part.
Start Slow: Building Anticipation Through Touch
Get comfortable and invite your partner or get your favourite toy ready. (My favourite is the Kiiroo Pro Wand vibrator.)
Start slow, caressing your own or your partner’s body. Don’t rush to the genitals right away, make sure to explore other areas of the body, such as the neck, shoulders, and back…
You probably know your body and theirs the best. If you’re with a partner, gently kiss them all over, whisper something sexy in their ear, maybe nibble on their earlobe, kiss their neck…
If you or your partner likes a little pain, there’s always an option to add some nipple clamps, too. Don’t have any? Just pinch their nipples, finding the right balance between pleasure and pain. Hard enough to feel it, gentle enough to still make it erotic and enjoyable.
The Power of Delayed Pleasure
Once other body areas have been explored, you can slowly move towards the genitals. Don’t start with direct touch right away, though. Light caressing and kissing of the lower belly area and thighs can work wonders.
(Trust me, I’m speaking from experience.) Do that until the arousal peaks, and you can’t wait for more intimate touch and more intensity. Now is the time to grab your favourite Kiiroo toy or, if you prefer to stick to fingers and mouth, that’s fine as well.
Finally, it’s time to explore the most erogenous part of your body, the genitals. But don’t start rushing out of pure excitement! There’s still a way to go.
Use gentle touch and, if using your Kiiroo vibrator, put it on the lowest setting, start teasing and enjoy how it feels. Maybe close your eyes to focus only on the sensations. Let yourself or your partner enjoy every second in anticipation for more.
Listen and notice how your partner’s or your body feels. Is it asking for more intensity or still enjoying the light touch? Adjust accordingly and focus on gradual buildup. Still - no rushing! You have all the time in the world that you are dedicating to sexual pleasure right now.
What Is Edging and Why Does It Work?
When you finally find yourself or your partner longing for the release, you have two options. You can either let the body have its way and reach an orgasm, or you can bring it close enough, stopping at the exact right time. And no, this is not orgasm denial.
It’s edging, a very underrated practice that everyone should try at least a few times in their lives.
What’s the point of edging? Heightening the anticipation and growing the excitement for what’s about to come. Just make sure not to overdo it because some people (myself included) can get very frustrated when they are edged for too long. It’s all about finding the right balance.
Perhaps, bring yourself or your partner close to the edge about three or four times, the last one of which can finally lead to an intense and satisfying orgasm. Remember the saying - good things come to those who wait. Well, I think it applies to truly satisfying sexy times as well.
Why Anticipation Leads to Stronger Orgasms
As you or your partner reaches the orgasm, it will be way more pleasurable than it would be if you were just rushing through the process. Don’t be surprised if some tears come with it as well. The best orgasms really can be that amazing that some people start crying from pleasure and happiness. (Surely, that can’t be just a me thing, right?)
Aftercare: Coming Back Down From Intense Pleasure
After these heightened sensations, it is normal to feel a bit vulnerable emotionally as well. You just gave it your all. You relaxed and let yourself get to the heights of pleasure that you might not visit all that often. So here’s where the aftercare comes in. And it doesn’t need to be complicated at all. It can look like cuddling with your partner after sex, taking a long, hot shower, making a hot drink and getting cosy under the blankets or maybe even watching a comfort movie of choice. Whatever makes you feel okay and gently brings you back to reality will work just fine.
Learning to Enjoy the Entire Experience
I truly hope that now that you’ve tried to prolong and bring enjoyment to your sexy activities with proper teasing and edging, you’ve seen how good things can get. Whether playing solo or with your partner, you deserve to have the best time during the entire process, not just when you “get there”. Happy play time!
Written by
Alison Sparks
Alison Sparks is a fetish-friendly online content creator and a writer who loves to provide GFE. Follow her on Instagram.
