Distance found me a new way to love
My boyfriend of 5 years, Alexander, moved from Moscow to London to pursue his MBA. His move was hard and because of my visa status, I was unable to join him on this new adventure.
This is the story about how my time in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend showed me a side of myself that I didn’t know I had. And taught me how to embrace the distance as an opportunity to explore new ways to love each other.
No one tells you how hard long-distance relationships are going to be. Well, actually everyone tells you, you just don’t listen. When I told my friends about my relationship with Alexander, they all looked at me, puzzled, “but why would you do that?”
The reason that most people pursue their long-distance relationships are seemingly obvious; you do it because you want to be with that person. And, as someone who is as hard-headed as I am, I wasn’t going to let one thousand miles get between me and the man I love.
With that in mind, I was always reading, researching, and talking to friends, looking for new things to try. I decided to keep the spark alive. And that’s how I found out through one of my best friends about BDSM and roleplaying.
I remember a shiver going up my spine when I considered it. I barely knew what each of the letters in BDSM meant: Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism? At that point, Alexander and I were only having phone sex, and I had my phone stocked with dirty photos to send to him, or of him for my private moments when I wanted to fantasize about him.
But that was the kinkiest I’d ever been. Roleplaying and BDSM were out of my comfort zone. But I was willing to try new things, and not only for him but for me. I was so focused on missing him that I needed to get it out of my mind. We needed to try to enjoy that time apart from each other.
At first, I thought BDSM was all about latex and assless chaps. So I took a bus to the only sex shop I knew in my city while reading forums about roleplay. I remember the first thing that I read was: “What all BDSM arrangements should have in common though is trust, understanding, knowledge, and caring.”
It sounded like something we could try.
'How to become a Domme?' was the next question.
What I realized later was that Alexander and I were already doing it when we were living together. He enjoyed to give control away and let me be the one in charge, to tell him what I wanted him to do. I liked to tease him, and he loved it when I would make him stop at the edge, then make him explode to climax.
Now, with us being far apart, it would require me to be bossier. I got really inspired when I had to choose my costume for the roleplay and I remembered something about the first time we started dating. I was in my first and last year of nursing school and he always would make fun of me being a 'bossy nurse'. With this in mind, I chose ‘The Sexy Nurse’ costume, there would be no doubt about who was in charge during our next facetime ;)
During my research, I came across something called, Teledildonics. If you’re making a “What?” kind of face, I had the same reaction the first time I read about it too. As I understood it, it is the technology used to connect sex toys to interact with each other no matter the distance. So I thought that this could be something that Alexander and I could try.
I remember I shared the link of the website with him, and he instantly replied with: Yes. We ordered a couple set and a few days later, I got a delivery. Mine was the Pearl2 and he got an Onyx+.
That night we had our first role-playing/BDSM experience over a long distance.
After I slipped into my nurse costume, I got into character and gave him a video call.
“Hi there, what’s your name?” I said, showing up on the camera.
Of course, he laughed, but his eyes were glued to the screen “Uh, I’m Alexander.”
“Hi Alexander, and why did you come into the clinic today?”
“I have some pain in my...uh, in my knee.”
At this point the domme in me came out and I started giving him orders. First I told him to take off his pants and underwear to show me where the pain was. He did so obediently.
After a quick examination, I proceeded to give him treatment. I told him to start applying lube into the Onyx and not to touch himself.
I slowly took my underwear off, spread my legs in front of the camera with the pink vibrator in one hand.
My vagina throbbed from arousal, I put the vibrator inside of me, and moaned in delight. Alexander’s eyes didn't move as he struggled not to touch himself.
Then I ordered him to slowly move the Onyx towards his hard dick.
“When I tell you,” I said in between moans, “you’re going to put your dick in the Onyx, understand…?”
I continue pleasuring myself for a couple of moments, “do it now.”
He placed his hard dick into the Onyx; immediately. We were both breathing heavily, the experience was surreal.
With these sex toys, Alexander was able to touch me, literally. We were connected and in sync with our movements. On every stroke, every vibration and every sensation, it was like we were in the same room.
After this experience, we were feeling good about ourselves. Our conversations were fulfilled with fantasies, I would play my bossy role when I would feel like it and he loved it. He loved to be surprised by a text message telling him to do something naughty, or something I was thinking we could do that night when we would connect.
For the first time since he left, we were enjoying ourselves as much as we did when we were living together. And it is not that I wasn’t missing him anymore, believe me, I was. But we were able to discover another level of intimacy.
About the Hedonistologist
The Hedonistologist is a project run by a French-born designer that always had a soft spot for drawing and butts. With a will to bring a new spirit and personal aesthetic into the world of erotic art. The project aims to represent a more liberated approach to natural sensuality and the topic of sexuality and wellness in human cultures through art.
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About I Feel You
#IFeelYou is the celebration of the free-minded. The restless innovators that believe that there’s nothing we can’t achieve when technology is used to connect people... To empower love, and take a stand on equality, and respect.
#IFeelYou is a declaration of love through stories of real connection. It’s what uncovers the truth that distance won’t ever mean separation again.
Because no matter how far we are from each other #IFeelYou is our proclamation of free love.
#IFeelYou is a collaboration between KIIROO and the Hedonistologist, inspiring love through art and technology.