Do You Need Both?
If you’ve ever stood in line at the grocery store and stared at the magazine stand, you probably noticed a pattern. Most of the headlines look like this: Save your Relationship: 10 Dirty Things to Say to Him That’ll Have Him Running Back! 100 Positions that will Blow His Mind! Make her Scream with this One Simple Trick!
Of course, you pick up the magazine, thinking you’ll learn something new, but grape fruiting your partner doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to be mind blown with excitement. If anything, they’ll be confused and left wondering how you managed to buy a grapefruit out of season. Joking aside, as you can tell, sex is a big part of our lives, whether we have it or not.
There’s a general assumption that sex is crucial for an intimate relationship. Almost as if without sex, an entire relationship would cease to exist. I remember when my best friend confided to me that he wasn’t interested in having as much sex as his girlfriend.
“Yeah man, I mean, we have sex, but I don’t want to have it all the time. I don’t feel the need to always have it.” Before I replied, I was thinking about why he would say this. Don’t people want to have sex? Isn’t it weird if a person, especially a guy, doesn’t want to have as much sex as his partner?
“I thought sex was important for a relationship?” I replied hesitantly. “Yeah,” he said, “it is, but it’s not the most important part of the relationship.” I was stumped, almost bewildered. “Do you like having sex with her?” I asked. “Yeah, of course. The sex is great. But I’m saying that I don’t need it three times a day.” Weird.
Until that moment, I spent my life promoting a healthy relationship with sex. I considered myself a sexually liberated person who enjoys sex. And now, my best friend is telling me sex doesn’t matter that much. Well, who am I to say he’s wrong. On the other hand, who’s right? Is sex that important for healthy relationships?
Normal Sex Life Doesn’t Exist
As a society, we like to label the things around us. It makes it easier for us to understand concepts, actions, etc. However, “normal” doesn’t exist on any level, especially sex. So, put down the Cosmo magazine, because that’s not going to help you. When it comes to a healthy sexual relationship, there’s no such thing as a normal amount of sex you should be having.
Some couples prefer not to have any sex, and their relationships are healthy and intimate. Other people need to have more sex for various reasons. If anything, it’s subjective. Sex is important to some couples, and for other couples, it’s not as crucial. Plus, not everyone is having sex for the purpose of orgasming. Many people have sex to increase intimacy and bond with their partner. So, is sex that important? It depends on who you are and the type of relationship you’re in.
Not Everyone Has The same Sex Drive
No two people are built the same way. Some people have a low sex drive, while other people have a high sex drive. Usually, the problem and debate about sex comes when two people with opposing sex drives enter a relationship together. Of course, there are going to be problems if there’s no communication.
A person with a high sex drive needs to have more sex; thus, sex is a crucial part of the relationship for them. This doesn’t mean a person with a low sex drive doesn’t enjoy sex; they do. However, they don’t need as much of it. Having a low or high sex drive isn’t anything to be concerned about or feel ashamed for. But it does mean that both partners are going to have to meet in the middle to make it work.
The Perspective Of Sex Can Change Over Time
When it comes to relationships, they’re dynamic. Meaning, they’re continually evolving and changing over time. This also includes people’s sex lives. In certain moments, sex will play a more significant part of the relationship. But there will also be some periods where it’s not as crucial for you.
Life isn’t straightforward; many things can affect you and ultimately affect your sex life. Maybe you’re financially struggling or experiencing stress in your family; these all impact one’s sex life. However, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to explore sex and intimacy. That is something that you should always be encouraged throughout your life.
Communication About Sex Is Crucial
Whether you’re having sex three times a day or once a month, what’s important is the communication about your sex life with your partner. Everyone has a different sexual desire, drive, and view about sex, and that’s perfectly fine. But, to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s not about sex, it’s about communicating your needs. You may need to have more sex than your partner. But not expressing that need will create tension and stress within the relationship.
In addition, if you do not want to have sex, and your partner does, you’re going to need to come to a conclusion. They don’t need to stick around if their needs aren’t going to be met. And you don’t need to provide them with sexual gratification. But, there needs to be a conversation about this.
So, do you need sex in a relationship? It depends on what you want. Some couples prefer a sexless relationship, and function perfectly fine. Communicating with your partner and understanding their sexual needs and vice versa is what’s important in a healthy relationship.
The Final Conclusion?
The great debate about whether sex is important in a relationship can finally end because there’s no clear answer. At the end of the day, everyone is different and requires different needs. Some need more sex; others need less. What’s important is that couples communicate their needs to their partner and make sure they're on the same page. That way, they eliminate any misunderstanding and can focus on working on their relationship.
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.