Talk Dirty To Me
Some people are just naturally… cunning linguists. They can talk dirty with the best of ‘em. But for those of us who aren’t naturally gifted in the art of dirty talk, it can be a little intimidating. Today, let’s talk about how we can get more comfortable with expressing things sexually.
Dirty Talk: Nomenclature
First thing’s first: What do you call things? Some people like cock, some like dick, pecker, or just plain old penis. Vagina? Pussy? Vadge? This is entirely up to you and your partner to decide! While some people may frown on using euphemisms, I believe there is no wrong way to talk about your own anatomy. As long as you’re both enjoying yourselves, call your genitals whatever you want.
Long Distance Dirty Talk
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, you’ve probably had a bit of phone sex. Or maybe you’re better at typing how you feel. Either way, the same basic ideas apply. You can always start with something simple. “I would love to ____ you right now,” or, “I wish I could your___.” “Remember when we,____” is another great starting point. If you’re not used to it, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll feel a little silly at first, or like you’re not being very sexy. Just relax, and you’ll naturally get into it.
Be specific! “I love the way your back arches when I touch you there.” Use evocative language which reminds them of a time you were together. Talk about things they’ve worn that turned you on, or something they did that drove you crazy. Then, talk about how it made you feel: “When I saw you in those tight blue briefs, I couldn’t wait to____.” (Fill in the blank space)
Keep it going. “Tell me how that feels,” or, “Where do you want to be touched?” Some couples like to get a bit more explicit, while some like to keep things more on the sensual, romantic side. Neither is wrong, and you should do what feels comfortable for you.
Dirty Talk Is Good Talk
In case you didn’t know that in addition to my sex blogging, I also write erotic poetry. Much of that erotic poetry is full of dirty talk. And there’s a reason for that.
When I started writing erotic poetry, I realized that I was saying all of the things that I would want to say to a sex partner during sex. And sometimes actually have said to sex partners during sex. After my late coming out, such honesty was part of my newfound need to no longer hold in my truth of my feelings and towards those I’m involved with.
When I started doing erotic open mics, that made me think about the audience I was reading to and their sex lives. Especially here in America, with their overall repressive attitude towards sexuality, I thought about how many people were not letting themselves go during sex. So I wanted to inspire that honesty to those holding themselves back.
For dirty talk is the sex language that comes from letting go. The language for when you fuck. The language for when you are a prim and proper businessperson by day, but a lust-filled beast with your sex partner at night.
Or vice versa if you’re a businessperson at night. Allowing you to take off the mask you put on to deal with the world. Be that mask for the workplace or with your children if you’re a parent. Because unless you’re a sex worker, your sexual side is not one for them to know about or see. And dirty talk allows you to not carry that weight of maintaining that “proper” imagery into your bedroom.
Penis. Vagina. Testicles. Breasts. Buttocks.
They are all beautiful & magical body parts. As are the things those parts do during sex to make sex so pleasurable. However, such scientific words can be mood-killers if said during sex.
Even if you have a thing for nerds, which I can at times have a weakness for. In fact, I can get so turned on hearing a sexy nerd say “penis”, or any scientific word for sexual anatomy or action in a conversation that I submitted the term “word-perv” to the Urban Dictionary to describe myself.
However, while those words can turn me on in conversation, I must draw the line in hearing them in the throes of passion.
So yes, doing like Danile Cosgrove’s character of “Richard Bagg” does here in “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder” will get you banished from my bed. And not for the lack of stamina.
I have always said that the beauty couples have with sex that single people don’t is that couples have the option to either make love or fuck. For casual sex is always a fuck for us single people. Either way, dirty talk is the language for it.
However, sexual repression in many societies across the globe has caused many couples to not partake of dirty talk. Or, as some single people do, partake of dirty talk but feel shame in doing it.
To inspire a lessening of that shame is why I’m so bold in the lyrics of my erotic poetry. And poems like “I Wanna Make You Wanna Fuck” and “Dirty Is Good” are poems that clearly display those intentions.
Sex is a primal instinct to act on with those we are sexually attracted to. Once the vital ingredient of consent for sex is given, you should be free to turn your partner on with the words to describe the beauty of what you plan to do with them and on what part. And doing so with the raunchiest, but most respectful words possible.
I must emphasize respect because thinking respect will be lost by dirty talk is what contributes to the shame. But truth be told, dirty talk is not disrespectful if it is coming from a sexually healthy heart, mind, and soul.
It is just as I said earlier, it is a release. Words used to release the tension of wearing the masks we all must wear with family and in our workplaces. Case in point, my current day job is working in a sex shop, and I put on that very same mask just like a stockbroker on Wall Street. My mask might not be as heavy, but it is still a mask just the same. One that makes me need that break as well.
With all that said, I hope your take-away is realizing that what is considered “dirty talk” isn’t really dirty at all. It is good talk. Needed talk. Talk of realism. For the words of that talk can keep the healthy lustful fire in your relationships alive.
While there’s no substitute for being with your partner, learning how to communicate sexually can help bridge the distance gap. It can be a fun way to explore new facets of your sexuality. You can even take it a step further and share pleasure with your partner using KIIROO couples toys, available in our shop.
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LeNair Xavier has studied sex and sexuality by reading up on and observing various sexual behaviors. These observations has led to time in the gay porn industry, and now writing erotic poetry. Tales of his journeys leading to his growing sexual knowledge can be found on his blog, L’s X-Ray Vision.
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