The Importance of BDSM Aftercare

While movies like 50 Shades of Grey give some insight into the BDSM world, the one thing they seem to leave out is what happens after a BDSM session. Aftercare, whether it’s the first time in BDSM or your 1000th session, is a crucial yet, often overlooked step. 

In fact, most people have never even heard of sexual aftercare, but it plays an important role in future sexual experiences with your partner. So, after having bondage sex or pegging, make sure to include some aftercare.

What’s the point of BDSM aftercare?

When you have “normal” sex with another person, typically after, you cuddle. It’s those couple of minutes where you and your partner unwind and talk about the experience, essentially checking in with one another. This is essentially what BDSM aftercare is. 

Aftercare is used after a BDSM session, focusing on pampering and nurturing the people involved. While in mainstream media, BDSM hasn't been portrayed as an intimate activity; it is intimate. 

Both partners need a high level of trust and know how to communicate with each other for an intimate and shared sexual performance. During bondage sex, for example, the submissive is highly vulnerable and ultimately needs to let go and trust their dominant partner. What could be more intimate than that?

That said, a BDSM session can bring out various emotional and mental states in an individual. Not to mention, physically, it can also leave marks on the body. With partners experiencing intense emotions and a surge of endorphins, aftercare helps soothe the people involved and bring them back into reality, making them feel more safe and secure.

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Who needs aftercare?

Everyone! Regardless of the activities performed, whether it's light BDSM, bondage sex, spanking, or pegging, everyone involved needs aftercare. Some sessions involve impact play, aggressive behaviors, or verbal degradation that may be seen as harmful or hurtful to the body and mind. This is why aftercare is essential, as it helps reassure and comfort the people involved.

Naturally,  we can assume that aftercare is usually directed on the Submissive, the person who's receiving the stimuli during a BDSM session. However, aftercare should be given to the Dominant as well.

It's often assumed that Doms, because they're not receiving stimuli, don't need aftercare. But Doms are people too, and through their role, they experience varying emotional states. Rule of thumb: whoever's involved in the BDSM session needs aftercare.

What are forms of aftercare?

It doesn't matter if it's your first time in BDSM or if you're a pegging pro; there's always room for growth and improvement with BDSM aftercare. It's important you speak with your BDSM partner and see what forms of aftercare they're comfortable receiving. However, you also need to know what forms of aftercare you want to receive as well. Below are some suggestions for BDSM aftercare.

Verbal praise: whether you have a session including verbal degradation or not, verbal praise can bring reassurance and comfort to yourself or your partner.

A soothing bath: turn on the warm water, add some bubbles and slide into the tub for a relaxing and calming bath. 

Bandaging physical souvenirs: for areas that have had impact, gently clean, and bandage those areas. For bruises, soothing lotions can help the area.

Watch a movie or tv show: put on a movie or tv show that makes you feel calm and safe. Whatever movie or show you prefer. 

A gentle massage: You can rub your partner’s body gently. It can be the feet, hands, or legs - they’re all ideal places for a soothing massage.

Reassurance: after impact play or aggressive behaviors, give reassurance to your partner to help them feel safe and secure. 

Cuddling: whether you’re a Sub or Dom, cuddle with your partner to calm them or you down. 

Some quiet time: cozy up on the couch with your favorite blanket, a warm drink, and some soothing music in the background.

A tasty snack or meal: food can always help calm and soothe us. Have some comfort food ready or your favorite snack available after the session.

Read a story: to help unwind, read a short story of your liking. 

A soft kiss: not a make-out session. It can be a soft kiss on the forehead or gentle kisses over the bruises and areas of impact that need special care.

 

If you’re interested in BDSM, aftercare is an essential part of the BDSM experience and must be included in every session. If not, you run the risk of possibly emotionally, physically, or mentally harming yourself or your partner. 

If your BDSM partner doesn’t want to participate in aftercare, see that as a serious red flag and consider looking for someone who considers your health as a priority in their BDSM session. BDSM aftercare is an essential step that can bring you and your partner closer together and improve future BDSM experiences.

WRITTEN BY

Natasha Ivanovic

Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degree in Criminology and continued and finished her Masters in Investigative Psychology, but then decided to follow her true passion of writing.

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